Ten Rules of the Rave: A Guide to Underground Dance Party Etiquette

Categories: EDM

3. Put your cell phone away. Especially if you are taking selfies.

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Dave Eckblad
Stare at the disco ball, not your phone.

Wow, your smartphone screen is really bright! You're standing right in front of the DJ with your face buried in its hypnotizing rays! This is rude, and also makes me feel very sad -- for your dependence on existing within this miniature computer while an entire party that you are privy to is happening around you. The disco ball is bright. The lasers are really bright. Stare at those instead! Oh and hey, if you are taking selfies on the dance floor, I hate you. Really. You and the stupid flash on the camera phone are ruining this for me. You can take selfies everywhere else, for all I care -- at Target, in the shower, while you're jogging, whatever. Take them at home, with your cat. Just not here, OK?

2. Do not have sex at this party.

Are you kidding me? Are you that caught up in the moment that you are having lust-driven sex on the cold floor in the corner of a filthy warehouse? I asked several regulars on the local underground-party circuit what the weirdest shit they'd seen at these events was, and all of them provided gruesome tales of sex, even on the dance floor! What the hell is going on? I am so disgusted by even the idea of this that I wish these people would be caught and banned from partying forever. Just don't do it. Don't even think about it.

1. This party does not exist.

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Katherine Echols Moore
Albert reminds us not to talk about this party.

Do not post the address of this party on your frat house's Facebook wall. Do not Tweet it. Do not Instagram a photo of the facade of this warehouse. Do not invite a bunch of strangers. Do not invite anyone. The people you want to see will most likely already be there, waiting for you. This party does not exist. If it did, it would certainly be over with sooner than you'd like. Have some respect for the people who sneak around and plan these nonexistent parties by quietly allowing them to continue keeping the underground alive.

Next time I set out under the cloak of midnight to an unfamiliar address, lured by the promise of a special deep set, I can only pray that this list may have helped some of you establish better "rave" conduct. There's only one thing I was afraid to get into -- glowsticks.

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Collage by Sarah Stanley-Ayre
I just don't know how I feel about this guy.

I really don't feel like getting into a debate with a bunch of glowing "ravers" on LSD, so I'll just leave you with a gentle suggestion: In my world, the darker, the better.

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