The Ten-Step Illustrated Pot Moocher's Guide to Getting High at Shows
By Vanessa Quilantan
All illustrations by Dan Zettwoch
Marijuana and music have gone hand in hand for decades. In the '60s, when Bob Dylan smoked out the Beatles for the first time and howled, "Everybody must get stoned!" on the opening track of Blonde on Blonde, middle America was frightened by the reefer madness of rock & roll. Luckily, times have changed.
The last time the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services conducted a study on the topic, they found that more than 100 million Americans have used or regularly use marijuana. And, of course, the process of decriminalization has begun. Even in Missouri, where possession of small amounts of weed will earn you a misdemeanor charge and possible jail time, there is almost always the sweet aroma of weed smoke in the air, especially at outdoor concerts.
Whether you're an occasional smoker or you've got a green lung, maybe you've caught the urge to partake at a concert. Not that we're encouraging you to commit crimes. We're just presenting hypotheticals. So, conceptually, you reach into your pocket, only to discover you forgot your stash. Luckily, your fellow concert patrons are just friends you haven't met yet. Here's how to make the connection. Remember folks: You may not have a joint, but it'd be a lot cooler if you did.
1. Be a woman.
Women are pretty and smell good and are therefore more inclined to get things they want. Bat your eyelashes, maybe swing your hips along to the music. Somebody's going to want to come and talk to you, and that somebody just might smoke you out.
2. Look for people who look like stoners.
If someone looks like a stoner, talks like a stoner, laughs like a stoner, it stands to reason that you're more likely to get stoned around them. You can try the old standby: Look for a guy in a green shirt.
3. Sniff it out.
That sweet smell of Mary Jane that just smacked you in the face as you walked through the crowd? Follow that. Wait until your stoner Spidey Sense starts tingling, then move in for the kill.
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