Six Reasons Employers Should Hire Touring Musicians

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Incase/Flickr
In 2014, you should've already figured it out by now: Your dumpy, forgettable band with few fans should be touring. The need to turn your local bar band into a mobile poverty-stricken disaster unit is of utmost importance. It's your chance to see beautiful rolling landscapes, fall in love with people you'll only talk to on the Internet and learn how to comfortably carry yourself onstage. Tour is where baby takes his first steps -- gaining a new, elevated perspective and examining the world with awe while still shitting his pants.

Literally.

See also: Six People to Avoid When Forming a Band

Tour is a dazzling and magical experience where time freezes in a moment of swirled joy, stress and wonder. But with every enlightening experience comes a brutal return to reality. Namely, when you return home and realize you have no idea how to do things that normal people do, like eat human food and pay rent.

Sure, there's that eternally stocked Little Caesar's dumpster and your friend who still wears raver pants who has always said you could crash with him for free, but shouldn't there be an easier, less potentially diseased way?

There should be. The solution is that more businesses should go out of their way to employ TOURING musicians. Here are six logical, serious and carefully thought-out reasons to hire one of these brave idealists.

(Note: For those of you grubby tour goons out there reading this list and nodding in agreement, remember that you're an ambassador for all this stuff. Don't screw it up for the rest of us.)

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neil o/Flickr

6. Touring Musicians Are Reliable

Have you ever woken up at 4 a.m. and driven ten hours just to make it to a place on time where you get paid $125 divided among you and your four friends? Probably not, because that's an insane ripoff. But touring musicians have, because they realize it enables them to continue making art. Touring musicians realize an incredibly vital life lesson that most arrogant and snide youth seem to overlook: In order to do the things you like, you have to do a bunch of things that you don't like. This is a valuable trait in an employee.

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Daigo Oliva/Flickr

5. Touring Musicians Are Loyal

When you tour, you're on your own. You function as a small gang of overgrown kindergarteners with access to alcohol. In every new city you're forced to place your trust in strangers or friends of friends, in the hope that you'll have a place to sleep and that no one will steal the only possessions you will own for the next number of weeks. From there, you either make lifelong friends for whom you will always provide a place to stay and food to eat in your home city, or you have a new story to tell about urinating in someone's laundry machine because they were an asshole.

In the real world, touring musicians function in a similar manner. They recognize that having a boss who allows you to leave for weeks at a time and still come back is a rare gift. It's something to be cherished and nurtured. No one wants to mess that up.


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17 comments
forthemusicians
forthemusicians

Why would you say that 95% of people who do anything completely suck at it? If that were accurate, the World would be in complete Chaos. It's definitely not Perfect but to say 95% essentially implying Mediocrity is King throughout the World, is obviously not accurate. By that Raionale, nothing beneficial would ever be accomplished in any field by anyone ever. Strange thing to say, to say the least. 


Laura Dee
Laura Dee

Try putting "stay at home mom" on a resume and see where that gets ya. (Fyi, It gets you a horrible job watching other people's kids instead of your own. Ugh. No one else will hire a woman who's been out of the workforce for a length of time.)

LEAH Osborne
LEAH Osborne

Chris Rader Justin Torres Matt Gadeken Derek Rutter

Steve Mincer
Steve Mincer

but in the interview just ask them "what do you think of jay-z?" and if they give any answer other than "he sucks." point your finger at the door and say "get the f@ck out of my office."

JackieOhNo
JackieOhNo

Wow. Was this written by a child? Because that was the weakest argument I have ever read. I need to be able to depend on my employees to be in town more than a few weeks, sporadically. 

Johnathan
Johnathan

What about when they ask for the month off so they can go on tour?

matthewrz2013
matthewrz2013

I rather higher some who is less delusional, has great former experience at the job position, a decent education, clean criminal record, has realistic goals and expectations and appears to know their stuff. Just because you're in a band, doesn't mean you should get royal treatment. Musicians are just a dime a dozen in this day of age.. 

George Whittington
George Whittington

I watched a documentary about 'Big Star' last night. Why is there no documentary about 'Pavlov's Dog'?

George Whittington
George Whittington

Your assuming local musicians haven't gone through the same tribulations or worse.

Brandon Herges
Brandon Herges

You know, those are actually pretty good points. Former tourers take note: I'd bet if you spun this right in the resume as far as your duties, then elaborated in the cover letter about those duties, what RFT just said, the general communication skills that are involved in booking/performing, etc, you'd be a winner

darrylgilland
darrylgilland

@JackieOhNo Then you sound like a jackass to work for, sorry. There are such things as time-off requests for a reason.

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