Five Albums That Breed Insufferable Fans

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There are only a few albums in the world that transcend any scene or genre, and build a following in their own, distinct shadows. It's powerful, and it's mostly good, but sometimes the greatest albums of all time can turn good, solid people into an absolutely insufferable demographic. You know what I'm talking about. Those albums.

You're at a party, you asked someone about their favorite records, they reply with a record you both like, but their fandom runs in a dark, depressing obsession -- there's a reason Weezer fans always travel in groups. We went ahead and highlighted a few of these albums, if only to help inspire a bit of sanity back into their steadfast followers. It's never good when a human being can be adequately described with the name of an album.

Nas - llmatic

Like a number of pathetic white men, I learned about this album in high school and proceeded to be an absolute cock to everyone else about it. I only listened to real hip-hop, because there's no feeling of self-accomplishment quite like the one that comes with listening to a 70-minute-long Roots album without having a single second of fun. Illmatic is, of course, responsible for the artistic trajectory of the following decade in rap, but it's also the No. 1 cause of people taking music way too seriously. I thought I hated Soulja Boy because of Illmatic, and I don't think I can ever forgive it for that.

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Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is arguably the greatest teenaged indie-rock album of all time. (Just as The Catcher in the Rye is for fiction.) That does not excuse In the Aeroplane Over the Sea people, mostly in their late twenties, trying desperately not to cringe at lyrical turns they once wholeheartedly believed to be genius. Deep down we all know Jeff Mangum's poetry was about the quality of an incredibly talented seventeen-year-old, which is why his music resonated so thoroughly with seventeen-year-olds savvy enough to read Pitchfork, but there's a reason he's only just now playing those songs live after a decades-long hiatus. My senior quote was "And one day we will die and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea, but for now we are young let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see," and I'm OK with that. When you quote those words wistfully, disregarding its newfound, post-adolescent corniness, you seem like a sad person.

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The Strokes - Is This It

Julian Casablancas is a sad drunk asshole who seems to alienate everyone he works with. The dream is over. I'm sorry. He's not Elvis. He co-owns a restaurant and makes barely passable electropop in his free time. He never even fucking played guitar. Is This It is a broken promise. Still, that doesn't stop Team Julian. Team Julian will not rest until their favorite leather-bound shithead is treated like an icon. Team Julian believes that all those critics were taking money under the table from the Vines to pan Comedown Machine, Team Julian is what happens when a false prophet dies, taking all of his believers down with him.


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7 comments
Damo
Damo

Well this is a pile of shit

perock
perock topcommenter

How is Korn not on here? Their break out album was mediocre yet Korn friends go on about the band like they're gods.

David J. McCutcheon
David J. McCutcheon

I follow RFT to see local happenings and read articles that contribute to things in the community, or bring in-depth conversation on social commentary within the pop culture of St. Louis, which those portions of RFT do well. The majority of the music listicle staff is akin to the goth kids in South Park. The RFT has a tag for their posts dubbed "Haters Gon' Hate", which means I can safely assume my criticism will be taken with a grain of salt; either these pithy articles gain more views than they should, or one of the higher-ups gets a hard-on over the concept. I wish to abolish this non-creative, humorless ejaculate, not plaster my name alongside it and the people who pen it. I'm better than that, which says a lot since I'm a pretty shitty guy.

RyanWasoba
RyanWasoba

I find that annoying people tend to list "Joshua Tree" by U2 or "Pet Sounds" by The Beach Boys as their favorite. Nothing against these albums or the people that like them, it's just a numbers game.

David J. McCutcheon
David J. McCutcheon

Here's a typical RFT résumé: "I'm in my late twenties and I wasted all of my good years finding things to love just so that I can hate them when they become passé. Now I've realized the folly of how I've ruined my life and am desperately clutching and clawing at anything to justify my years of existence. Please hire me so I can vaguely tell my family--who knows that I take more than I give to humanity on a daily basis--that I am a 'professional writer' for a dingleberry of the prestigious Village Voice without really explaining what I write to prevent further embarrassment on my family crest. Hopefully they will falsely believe that I am no longer the suckling dog whose life is in decline, yet still glued to the proverbial chapped teat of the ballsack and ovaries who spawned me. Signed sincerely, -A big, dumb fucking loser"

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