Ten Signs You're Too Old For Coachella

Categories: Coachella

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Chris Victorio/OC Weekly
You tell 'em, Grandpa!
Age, of course, is a state of mind. But it's easy to feel like you've aged 30 years after three busy days at Coachella. Whether you've gone to the festival since the first year in 1999 or just started going a few years ago, the festival can feel a bit, well, different than when you were in your teens and twenties. If so, you might want to check and see if you just might be getting too old for this shit.

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10. You Need A Magnifying Glass to Read the Damn Lineup Poster
OK, is it just you, or do the last few lines of the lineup keep getting harder and harder to read? No, it must just be your browser, right?

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9. Who the Hell Are These People?
When you're finally able to decipher the bands billed in smaller font in the lineup, you find yourself saying, "Who??" more than usual. There was a day when you were a huge fan of even the itty bitty bands billed on the last line (see: the Killers circa 2004, the Locust circa 2005, the Avett Brothers circa 2007, Deadmau5 circa 2008). Now, the acts you're most excited for could easily be seen on VH1 Classic. What's a STRFKR, anyway?

8. Strollerchella
Once upon a time, the only person you were forced to babysit at Coachella was your friend who decided to take acid and ecstasy at the same time. But these days you're busy taking care of that tiny human you made smooshing your crotches with the good-looking kid you met at the Do Lab a few years prior.

7. You Now Pregame With a Cold-Pressed Organic Juice and Bowl of Quinoa Coachella can take a lot out of you: The dry, desert heat, the walking and the curmudgeonly judgements can all be exhausting. When you first started going to music festivals, you took hits of various illicit uppers, downers and stabilizers out of the little brown bottle in your shaving kit to get you through whatever the weekend brought your way. These days, it's all about a healthy balance of an organic diet, morning yoga and PMA to get you through the day.

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26 comments
Alex Mclain
Alex Mclain

Thanks RFT... Another great article about how we are too stupid to figure out what bands to like or what shows we should or should not attend.

Clarence Rogers
Clarence Rogers

Shit's basically been irrelevant for YEARS. When they moved from U. City was the beginning of the end.

Chris Bergh
Chris Bergh

It's a real mystery.... ahahaha... no seriously for me it was when they started doing all reviews of county restaurants and clearly were shifting to the "St. Charles Front Times. Then they compounded it with a staff of 20 something hip cats that have blogging confused with journalism.

Doug Tull
Doug Tull

Stupid. The only people that can afford these festivals are "mature" people or their kids with their credit cards.

Neil Aimaro
Neil Aimaro

When it's too loud then your too old.

John Lupia
John Lupia

Are you going to do this to LouFest? Per Capita I would imagine there is just as much douchebaggery going on there as well. The drugs probably wont be as good though.

David J. McCutcheon
David J. McCutcheon

Alright you guys, I'm a whiny, white, entitled twentysomething who writes professionally and hates everything. How do I get paid to write things for your site?

Bill Long
Bill Long

YAWN! Seriously. FKNYWN! One sign that RFT is hardup for clicks/advertisement rev: THIS WRITE UP!

Chi Eastin
Chi Eastin

Did you do any of these things Char? Charlynn Avery

Ryan Patrick
Ryan Patrick

I don't know where Coachella took place but I bet that city's rag isn't even talking about it this much.

Victoria Garner
Victoria Garner

No doubt. It has turned into a whiney blogfest. Blah.

Ryan Patrick
Ryan Patrick

Ten Signs You're Ready To 'Unlike' The RFT

Steve Mincer
Steve Mincer

ummm…ok, RFT… here's the deal. in case you missed it justin bieber "performed" there this year. instantly making coachella not worth worrying about.

Chris Bergh
Chris Bergh

Hah there's never a too old... Other than maybe too old for bad music.

Kristen Franzeim
Kristen Franzeim

Hey, I'm impressed I have even heard of Girl Talk... Jennifer Hernandez

Bear Eggers
Bear Eggers

11. You can't believe RFT posted another article about Coachella.

John Lupia
John Lupia

What is your deal with Coachella? Seriously. I want answers!

Adam Roth
Adam Roth

I felt too old watching it on tv the past few nights

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