Ten Reasons Urban Outfitters is the Enemy of Music

Categories: Fiesta!

UO.jpg
Courtesy Flickr user Casey Hugelfink

By Jonathan Patrick
We all know it, but it's time to show it. Urban Outfitters is a creative wasteland, a shortsighted cul-de-sac of trends and trash-culture bent for capital gain -- one large, unthinking slab of cultural masturbation. But, by and large, it's a beast we ourselves feed. Like creepers to a drug deal we lurch in, grab what we want and dart out. (Some of their basic clothing isn't half bad, right?).

Excuses aside, the inventory is laughable, shamelessly anachronistic and inauthentic. Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark-Side-only Pink Floyd fans. Here are ten of the worst examples of why UO is a drain on our music-loving souls.

1. They sell turntables that will eat your records.

UOCrosley.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

In fact, they only sell record-destroying players. These Crosley tables -- equipped with uneven speeds and ruinous ceramic cartridges -- aren't really listening tools, they are toys. Cutesy, retro-chic, vinyl-hungry toys. Given that your albums won't last long on that new turntable, it's comforting to know that you can replace your LPs at UO too. It's a good thing that their prices are fair... Oh, wait....

2. Their record prices are an assault on your financial well-being.

UOmadonna.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Even if you ignore for the moment that their records are terribly treated and poorly stored, UO's prices are astronomical. Singles will cost you upwards of $20. And my goodness, double LPs, even shitty ones, can cost you $40. This means if your monthly music budget is $150 (we're allowed to dream), you can still only buy about five albums a month. Those are prison cafeteria-type rates. Yay hip vinyl trend!


3. Now you can coordinate the Unknown Pleasures artwork with the rest of your outfit.

UOJoy.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Sweaters and shirts in a dozen colors and styles, all slathered with the iconic Joy Division radio waves, blanket UO's interior. Hell, it's almost their corporate symbol at this point. Ian Curtis would be so very proud.

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18 comments
John Null
John Null

I thought it was just a shitty clothing store that sold hip-hop clothing or something.

Kelle Deyne
Kelle Deyne

Bringing retro fashion and music to the privileged. Get yourself a decent turntable if you're into vinyl. At least they promote things that are cool- influencing the masses. I got harassed and sent home from school for wearing the majority of what they sell (along with hot topic) in the 80's. Funny thing is... We had to make our gear or order it through catalogues. lol

Tim Jamison
Tim Jamison

I'm going to comment before I read the article. Because I can...sometimes they have Vans really cheap. I got a pair for $10 once. I always check. I bet the word "vinyls" is used in this article. It isn't plural, cut it OUT.

Jeep Naaked
Jeep Naaked

negative crap is a great way to have people unfollow the RFT... just sayn'

Jesse Drissell
Jesse Drissell

Who is the audience for this article? People who currently buy albums from UO..? Pretty small target... Also, Euclid and Apop don't carry much hip-hop, record exchange treats their records like garbage, and vintage vinyl sells Crosleys... Better bash them too.

Kenny Snarzyk
Kenny Snarzyk

Who fucking writes this trash? Get it together RFT Sincerely -a dude that has been paid to write a few things for The RFT

Michael J Keller
Michael J Keller

Damn! Just when I got skinny enough to wear their clothes again!

Emmy Geraghty
Emmy Geraghty

I got Kendrick Lamar's "good kid, m.A.A.d city" deluxe edition double LP for 24 dollars. just sayin. Also, articles about Urban Outfitters not being as hip as they claim = old news.

Mark Spencer
Mark Spencer

1989 is calling...you are invited to go back and lose your anxieties about life (however depressing or marginalized) in the 21st century. And if you think Urban Outfitters denigration of vinyl culture is horrifying, you should come visit the Jack White-endorsed Third Man vinyl kiosk at our new Whole Foods in Brooklyn.

David J. McCutcheon
David J. McCutcheon

Don't forget that they steal art from artists and make a profit on it.

jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

I'm patiently waiting for the article titled '10 reasons the RFT music staff is a bunch of whiny pretentious douche nozzle hipster loads'. Patiently.

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