Morrissey Gets the Sniffles From STL Ex-Pat, Cancels Entire Tour Over It

Categories: This Just In

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English singer Morrissey has canceled the remainder of his U.S. tour, citing health issues after a collapse in Boston earlier this week. He is said to have a respiratory infection brought on by a cold he claims to have caught from his tour support, St. Louis ex-pat Kristeen Young. Young was asked to leave the tour already over her cold (which she claims was a sixteen-hour-long allergy attack), and she's none too pleased to be blamed for the singer's latest cancellations.

All in all, the whole situation is probably one of the most boring scandals ever told.

Here is the statement from Morrissey's True To You website:

Morrissey announces the close down of the present U.S. tour with "unimaginable sorrow."

On Saturday, June 7th, following the show at Boston Opera House, Morrissey collapsed and was rushed to Massachusetts General Hospital where doctors treated Morrissey for "acute fever". Difficulties had arisen on May 31st following Kristeen Young's opening set at the Miami Knight Concert Hall, after which Kristeen confessed to "a horrendous cold," the symptoms of which were passed on to Morrissey resulting in the cancellation of the next show in Atlanta.

For the good of all, Kristeen was asked to step down from the immediate upcoming shows, but instead she decided to leave the tour entirely. Morrissey and the band wish her well and hope she is now in good health.

Morrissey received medical attention in Miami, and once again in Boston, but it was not enough to shake off the virus, the recovery time for which is too lengthy to meet the final 9 shows of the tour.

Meanwhile, Young has taken issue with the accusations. From her Facebook page:

Ok. Regarding the recent True-to-you statement from Morrissey: I did not "confess to a horrendous cold". On Monday, June 2nd, I had an allergy attack that was over within 16 hours. I went to a doctor (on Monday, June 2nd), an allergy specialist, who gave me drugs for allergies...and they worked. I explained this (early on Tuesday, June 3rd) and offered this doctor's phone number to Morrissey personally, via email, and the tour manager, Donnie Knutson (for proof....since they seemed to doubt me). But, they NEVER followed up with me or said doctor. Also....it is incorrect that I "decided to leave the tour completely". I was asked to leave. Was called (in the presence of my band as witnesses) by Morrissey's booking agent, Dave Tamaroff, and told that there would be a new support band in Boston. I am very sorry that Morrissey is not feeling well. But I will not tolerate these lies....particularly about my health. This is really too much and bizarre.

Now, we at RFT Music are not here to take sides on this issue. Frankly, we don't care -- the tour wasn't coming to St. Louis anyway. We are, however, definitely here to laugh at the public spectacle being made of it. Look at this intense scandal. There is a hotly contested "confession," a complete lack of understanding as to how airborne illnesses work (Young passes a cold on to Morrissey, so the best solution is to then not have her on the tour anymore? Wouldn't the damage have already been done?), there are lies that will not be tolerated, there are sixteen-hour-long allergy attacks.

There's a 55-year-old man, infamous for show cancellations, wielding one of the flimsiest excuses one could ever imagine for his fans' latest letdown (planning on this cold taking you out for a full fifteen days, eh, Morrissey? Pick up some vitamin C pills, for Christ's sake) and a 39-year-old woman who already has a history of being kicked off of Morrissey tours. (In 2007 she was booted for telling a New York City audience that "Morrissey gives good head, I mean, er, cunnilingus...")

There are so many WTF moments in this ridiculously mundane circus show that it is likely they will never all be sorted out.

And that is probably for the best. Because these are some BORING OLD MAN problems, not those of an international music superstar. Just get some Sudafed and soldier on, Grandpa. Damn.

Watch for Morrissey's next tour, which we expect will be canceled on the basis of a severely stubbed toe suffered during a mid-slumber shuffle to the bathroom -- the ol' bladder just doesn't hold up as long as it used to -- and which Moz will presumably blame on his opening act.

Get well soon, Sir Sniffles.

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