New 103.7 FM Says "Man Up," Forgets Women Who Don't Wear Bikinis Exist

Categories: Fiesta!

The song remains the same.

Louie promises a huge spectrum of music. In the on-air promo mentioned above, musicians from AC/DC, Metallica, Alice in Chains, Foo Fighters, Guns n' Roses, Linkin Park, Nickelback and more greeted listeners, squeezing as much coolness into "Hi, this is ____ from ____" as they could.

From this it seems that 103.7 FM listeners can look forward to rock, rock and -- oh, yeah -- rock. Really? Are St. Louisans that hard up to hear "You Shook Me All Night Long" on yet another station? 94.7 FM KSHE, 96.3 FM KIHT, 105.7 FM KPNT and 106.5 FM WARH all play Metallica's version of "Turn the Page," and 102.5 FM KEZK and 103.3 FM KLOU aren't far from such jorts-rock with their Journey and Billy Joel obsessions. Do we really need another channel that features almost nothing but loud white dudes holding guitars?

See also: Six St. Louis Radio Stations That Are Better Than Channel Surfing

St. Louis is in a radio hellhole on the FM frequency, and it's been this way for ages. Sure, we've got gems like 88.1 FM KDHX and 95.5 FM WFUN that spin independent artists, long-lost jams or deep cuts, but elsewhere across the dial we're missing niche formats that other cities enjoy. If you're looking for classic rock, douche rock, current pop, generic hits or something that pretends to be modern alternative, St. Louis radio is up your alley. But if you're craving '70s punk, new wave, classic hip-hop, '80s pop or golden '90s alternative, you'd better buck up for SiriusXM. Clear Channel and Louie missed a fantastic opportunity to bring something different to a city that has been craving more variety for a long time.

Funny side note: Louie's promo featured "Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots." Um, that's out of date, dude.

Spokesman stupidity

At 1 p.m. on June 19 -- the station's designated magical hour to reveal its plans for world domination -- 103.7 FM spun "Never Gonna Give You Up" for the final time, cutting to a creepy robot voice straight out of Def Leppard's "Love Bites" that told listeners "Rick Astley has come to an end. 2.5 million St. Louis residents have been Rickrolled." The station then played the full theme to HBO's Game of Thrones, did a stupid bit about men being happy when Anheuser-Busch came to town and had some bro with a non-St. Louis accent introducing himself as a dude who's "gonna party like this every day." Listen here.

This is the jerk whose voice we'll hear during call signs and interstitials? A Homer Simpson knockoff who can burp the alphabet and laugh uncontrollably at "Pull my finger?" Wow. And people say St. Louis can't have nice things. Pshaw.

Rickroll Rickrolloveranddie

Rick Astley is one of the kings of the one-hit-wonder '80s. OK, he had a couple of other songs, but "Never Gonna Give You Up" is a good representation of the way many of us remember radio singles from the Reagan era: bright, poppy, lots of synth, oozing with cheese. So when 103.7 FM decided to play this song ad nauseam as its tease for the new format, it made listeners expect more of the same once the station officially debuted. Perhaps St. Louis would hear other lost '80s songs from Erasure, Lionel Richie or Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam?

Sorry, St. Louis. As the station played its first song -- "Louie, Louie" by Black Flag -- the Gateway City yelled a collective "Huh?" Yes, we understand the name thing, and yes, we like Black Flag. But the tune isn't exactly what listeners would expect to hear after "Never Gonna Give You Up," which probably helped them get to first base during their eighth-grade dance a zillion years ago. This move feels less like a Rickroll and more like a dickLOL. We're pretty certain that Louie also is a fan of giving wedgies, wearing mirrors on shoes and completing a dare for the price of a cheap beer.

Look, we at RFT Music aren't prudes. We enjoy looking at the human form, rocking out to Whitesnake and giggling at fart jokes as much as anyone. The thing that really pisses us off is that St. Louis already has outlets for this stuff -- especially via traditional radio. Clear Channel and 103.7 FM had a golden opportunity to fill a void on the local radio landscape with creative programming and intelligent humor. Instead, they gave us a frat party -- and not a very inventive one, at that.


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