Sixteen Stupid Hats Musicians Love Wearing

Categories: Nitpick Six

LEADHAT.jpg
Flickr/Joel Dinda
Straw hat left off this list because obviously it sucks. You don't need my help with that.
Recently, my enemies have been accusing me of having a problem with hats. Maybe it's because I am (predictably) a bald, pale music critic, and wearing a hat makes me look like a Nosferatu vampire-creature. But personally, I think someone's choice of headwear can tell a lot about a person -- usually how they suck.

As I am fully aware that most people are not as gifted as I am when it comes to deciphering the inner-character of a human being based solely upon their appearance, I've created an exceptionally important guide. When I die, I will be remembered for my gift to the world: a list of stupid hats musicians wear and what they mean.

tatu43.jpg
Flickr/Tatu43

16. Trucker Hat
If you are over the age of 40 and wear a trucker hat, you are in a cover band. Or you think you are Johnny Knoxville or some bullshit.

hkarau.jpg
Flickr/hkarau

15. Fedora Hat
No one has told you that a hat will not make up for your patchy facial hair. No one has told you that Dave Navarro also has his nipples pierced and should not be relied upon for fashion tips. If you are a girl wearing a fedora, you should know that you do not look like a sexy Indiana Jones.

2971517675_bcf4a66ccb_z.jpg
Flickr/Craig Hatfield

14. Bowler Hat
You look like you're about to eat a bunch of food or design a website for a business that is never going to pay you. Or you're too into A Clockwork Orange, meaning you have the sex appeal of a giant bass guitar covered in penis skin.

gorriti.jpg
Flickr/gorriti

13. Cabbie Hat
If you have hair and you wear this hat, everyone will assume you are bald in the exact spot that the hat is covering up. It is also affectionately called a "fat guy hat", because it looks good on fat guys for some reason. This hat is also frequently worn by fans of Celtic punk, which is a genre of music that should have started and ended with the Pogues.

My Voice Nation Help
37 comments
adghiegte
adghiegte

http://www.fashionfast.net ==

nike air max shoe $45

Air Jordan (1-24) shoes $45

Jordan (1-22)&2014 shoes $48

Nike shox (R4, NZ, OZ, TL1, TL2, TL3) $38

Handbags ( gucci Lv fendi D&G) $42

T-shirts (polo, ed hardy, lacoste) $14

Jean (True Religion, ed hardy, coogi)$34

Sunglasses ( Oakey, coach, Gucci, Armaini)$15

New era cap $16

Biki ni (Ed hardy, polo) $18  

FREE SHIPPING

 http://www.fashionfast.net 


 http://www.fashionfast.net 


  http://www.fashionfast.net 


 http://www.fashionfast.net 

 http://www.fashionfast.net 


 http://www.fashionfast.net 


  http://www.fashionfast.net 


 http://www.fashionfast.net 

jazzer
jazzer

Count Basie sometimes wore a captain's cap and it suited him nicely.

plpllawson
plpllawson

My how Westword journalistic endeavors has fallen.  If this were a video I would want my time back from watching it. Instead I will note to myself to gravitate further from reading this shit rag in paper(which the print has become so small, one needs a magnifying glass) to the online copy.

Gabe1972
Gabe1972

It would have been nice if the author would have actually included pictures of the musicians wearing said hats.  It's sort of a stupid article without that.  It's like saying that a musician bought a run down house, then not showing the musician and showing some generic run down house.  Not much effort put into this article.  Better luck next time, Drew. 

gm0622
gm0622 topcommenter

For fucks sake 4 of those were ball caps, drop it to 12

and since the last newest post was 9 days ago...............

RFT is not one I read regularly

Homer K Blua
Homer K Blua

Also pictured as a cabby hat is a flat cap the cabby hat is rounder and puffier generally paneled and typically has a button on top.

Homer K Blua
Homer K Blua

Picture of hat listed as fedora is actually a trilby if you must criticize do your homework.

Homer K Blua
Homer K Blua

Hat pictured as a fedora is actually more of a trilby

Jon Meyer
Jon Meyer

Hmmm, what I take from this is that, if you are in a band, you should not wear a hat. Basically every possible hat you can wear is in this article. LAME!

Joe Ratermann
Joe Ratermann

This is just "16 kinds of hats that exist." But unlike those hats, there's no reason for this article to exist.

Nicholas Vincent
Nicholas Vincent

This article should just be titled "16 kinds of hats" because that is how many types of hats that exist in the world. Evidently musicians look stupid in all of them. I'm going to wear a hat made of crumpled up RFT paper at my next show.

Eric Lozano
Eric Lozano

No way. Promote local events? That's Bush League

Eric Lozano
Eric Lozano

Your response says it all. We got the biggest local entertainment publication questioning the importance of bringing positivity and creativity to the game. No wonder we're not shit on the national scene. Yes I'd rather see 16 cool hats over 16 shitty ones. And I fucking want it by tomorrow. Get going.

Jeff Allen
Jeff Allen

The RFT people must hate life. Can you imagine the office chatter upon arrival on Monday morning? "How was your weekend?" "AWFUL!" "Well it couldn't have been worse than mine...I saw a guy wearing a fedora at the Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. concert." "Now my day is worse... you just called a "show" a "concert." You probably wore their tour t-shirt to the *smugly* 'concert."

Michael J Keller
Michael J Keller

You CAN do 16 cool hats (the same handful of people that makes my hats also makes Slash's hats (Slash - of Guns & Roses fame) There are several categories of 100% handmade hats on this page. The GOOD news is that these people have a booth at The Festival of the Little Hills in St. Charles at the end of August. These fine folks are usually down near the main bandstand: There are two pages in this and most other category. 100% finely handcrafted! http://www.headnhome.com/hat-store/steampunk-hatter.html

Patrick Siler
Patrick Siler

OK. Mean spirited troll writing, but it made me laugh.

Eric Lozano
Eric Lozano

Why the fuck can't we do '16 cool hats'? Fuck you RFT. Your quality has been going way down. Quit trynna make news with these bullshit 'controversial' articles. I hardly even look at you anymore it's getting so damn annoying. Why don't we worry about raising people up than making people feel bad? Ugh, just another part of what's wrong in St. Louis.

Bryan Byerly
Bryan Byerly

RFT. . Please , hire me to write your reviews and I can assure you I would be super appreciative of going to free shows with out bitching about it. Its also clear that it takes no discernable talent or experience in journalism to write said reviews, so I'm a great candidate. What else? Oh.. I'm not a smug asshole.

John Sitek
John Sitek

Instead of listening to the music, the RFT found something else to bitch about. Imagine that.

Dan Porter
Dan Porter

Whoever wrote this must have some delusion de grandeur issues ;)

jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

Andrew is the 1st piece of evidence to the case that it's not a hat that makes one a tremendous asshat

jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

@andrewrobertailes according to andrew apparently hats are bad because being a bald headed fuckstick is the desired look for a douche hipster load who thinks he's a writer

jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

@andrewrobertailes hey cocksore, you are not interesting or edgy, your writing comes across a the ramblings of a petulant shit who didn't ever get laid in highschool. Or ever for that matter.

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...