Ten Changes to the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos After Its Move from Illinois to Ohio

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Nate "Igor" Smith
After a seven-year stint at Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, the Gathering of the Juggalos moves this year to Legend Valley Campground in Thornville, Ohio.

Will its new home prove as accommodating as its last? Or will the residents of Thornville freak the hell out -- like the citizens of Kaiser, Missouri, did when they learned last year that the Gathering was flirting with a move to their town?

After Day One of the Gathering in Thornville, it's probably a bit premature to answer either of those questions. But there are plenty of differences between this year's Gathering and last year's festival. Below are ten initial observations we had as to how the move to Ohio may be better -- or worse.

1. Cell Phone Reception/Wi-Fi
Last year's Gathering was located so far off of the grid it might as well have been in Kazakhstan. Cell phone reception was completely nonexistent, meaning not only no calls, but no walking around with the Internet in your pocket, either. Your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tindr and Grindr accounts were inaccessible. Your hand-held personal supercomputer was as useless as that Commodore 64 gathering dust in your parents' basement.

It made for a surreal landscape. When was the last time you were in a group of thousands of people and no one was on their phone? Everyone was heads-up, talking and looking at one another, engaged in the activities in front of them. It was refreshing, really.

This year we are back on Earth again, with technology and all of the screen-obsessed narcissism that comes with it. Neat.

2. The Porta-Potties Are Somehow More Disgusting
The outdoor latrines aren't covered in graffiti with sayings such as "I KILL HOOKERS" like last year, but their more sanitary looks are certainly deceiving. We entered a Porta-Potty toward the main entrance, using our cell phone as a flashlight to make sure we didn't slip on a turd. We needn't have bothered. Somehow the juggalos crowd had found a way to clog a portable toilet. We wouldn't be surprised if someone just fell in the bottom of it and got covered in solid waste until it was almost overflowing over the seat.

Daunted, we just pissed in the gallon of orange liquid (Faygo?) that was floating atop the "urinal" of the unit. Oof.

3. There's a Police Presence in Ohio
It's true: Cops have infiltrated the campgrounds and -- not surprisingly -- are getting plenty of suspicious glances from the juggalos in attendance. Oddly, though, the cops don't seem to be messing with anyone. So far they're just puttering around in golf carts and doing what cops do best: drinking coffee. Last year's security force gave one the impression that the Gathering's organizers simply rounded up the tallest juggalos they could find and gave them orange shirts. A pretty drastic change, indeed.

4. Startling Lack of Cardboard Signs
Where's the guy with the "Breakfast Cocaine" sign? Where's the kid with the sign offering to let people kick him in the jewels for $10? Where's the existentialist with the sign that just says, "CARDBOARD SIGN"? We don't know, but we're confused as hell and a little wistful when we think of the endless stream of Sharpie entertainment from last year that is now missing.

5. Dense Juggalo Shantytown
We're not sure if the space is smaller or if attendance is up, but this year the tents in the campgrounds are piled virtually on top of each other. We can only assume they are also filled with gleefully trashed juggalos literally on top of each other.

In any case, last year's campgrounds were downright suburban by comparison.

List continues on the next page.


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14 comments
jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

Thanks for the non stop coverage of America's most worthless group of misfits, it's refreshing to be reminded that the well of human stupidity has no bottom. On a positive note perhaps some of these psychotic clown idiots will discover there is a snarky bald headed douche named andrew infiltrating their festival and give him a righteous beatdown on the premises for the grievous offense of being a tremendous fuckstick as well as a terrible writer.

Betty Claire Hughes
Betty Claire Hughes

I'm glad they're out of cave-in-rock. They devastated Hardin County every year for seven years straight. The county has limited resources and would have gone bankrupt if the festival continued. The amount of emergency services required every year is far beyond what the county could provide, and when they did, the bills went unpaid.

Eric Are
Eric Are

I look forward to reading about this every year. Thanks for the coverage.

Tom Diveley
Tom Diveley

If the updates dont include "wildfire", "small pox", "ritualistic suicide", or " front men assassinated", idcccc

Jason Green
Jason Green

Wow and yes please keep us all posted. The Busey nephew strip club would most definitely have to be regarded as an upgrade!

j.m.hackler
j.m.hackler

@jaco1175 still better than a country concert....  


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