The Ten Best Songs By Awful Musicians

Categories: List-O-Rama

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Stopped clocks are right twice a day. Geoffrey Arend is married to Christina Hendricks. Performance artists get federal funding. Canada is south of Detroit. People wear Google Glass and think they look awesome. Some things you just can't explain, like how really shitty bands occasionally luck into recording splendid songs. To wit, here are the ten greatest songs ever recorded by not-so-great musicians:


"Apologize," One Republic
Ryan Tedder is a hit-making robot in the worst sense imaginable. Crafting melodies with the sole objective of charting, he's a pop-music panderer, whether for his own band or the slew of sellouts he produces for. But here's the thing about pop music: Bad as the listening public's taste can be at times, sometimes mass affection is warranted. "Apologize" is one of the times they -- and Tedder -- got it totally right. The song is reminiscent of Chuck and Blair locking eyes from across a crowded club in Gossip Girl. There's just nothing more emotionally gripping.



"Boogie In Your Butt," Eddie Murphy
This might be the most sophomoric song ever recorded. The lyrics -- clearly the fruits of an extremely inebriated green-room conversation -- consist of Murphy rapping about shoving a bunch of disparate objects that rhyme into a rectum. ("Put a telephone in your butt/Put a dinosaur bone in your butt.") But(t), in a still-on-the-rise (this was '82) Murphy's hands, it's infectiously hilarious, and the backing band is funky, like Morris Day loaned Murphy the Time for the night.



"Demons," Imagine Dragons
Taking the baton from Limp Bizkit, Imagine Dragons seem to operate under the mistaken impression that relentlessly cranking everything up to eleven magically makes music better. Except on "Demons," where Dan Reynolds backs the verses into methodical Coldplay territory before the chorus explodes. Somehow it works.



"Alone," Heart
The Wilson sisters are rightfully hailed as feminist trailblazers in what was then a rock landscape completely immersed in testosterone. But that doesn't mean their music was any good. Yet on Heart's most powerful of power ballads, "Alone," all the melodramatic guitar-lickin' works, and the chorus' come-on is oh-so-steamy.



"Drops of Jupiter," Train
This song has been so mercilessly overplayed since it was released thirteen years ago (!) that you'd be forgiven for considering it annoying. But that's not Train's fault. "Drops of Jupiter" could be 99.9 percent trash, and it would still be redeemed by the amazing line, "The best soy latte that you ever had and me." But the tune, masterfully paced and lyrically ballsy, isn't trash. It's actually pretty good, unlike the balance of Train's discography.

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67 comments
Sublunar Photography
Sublunar Photography

As a Doors fan, I think they do have some terrible songs. Most of them can be found on the Soft Parade album. But it seems like each album had one or two lousy songs. So.. eh, 9/10 ain't bad. It was the 60s, they were on drugs. Pink Floyd has put out some shitty music as well. It happens..

Mary Griffiths
Mary Griffiths

Great attempt to create a buzz by putting a few great bands in an article and slapping Jim Morrison's face on the cover.

Chris Hocking
Chris Hocking

Lmao I am not even going to waste energy trying to find a new way to describe how idiotic it was to include The Doors in this list.

Jay Harrison Crawford
Jay Harrison Crawford

Play keys like Ray Manzarek. Try to write like Jim. You probably can't even sing Mike Seely.

Chandra Harris
Chandra Harris

Must not have heard 70's era Heart , completely different band than the 80's one

Melissa Lumley
Melissa Lumley

Don't you ever, EVER talk about Fat Joe like that. This is an offensive piece of journalism.

Mike McRay
Mike McRay

How many hits has Mike Seely had?

Michael Neely
Michael Neely

The only reason I read the RFT is to see what's going on around town.

Benjamin Simms
Benjamin Simms

I NEVER comment on RFT. But putting the Doors on this list is insulting to Facebook links.

Travis Holmes
Travis Holmes

Not real sure how this cockbag can put The Doors and Heart on here. Saying Ray Manzarek was a shitty musician is one of the most asinine statements ever made. Also, you simply cannot fuck with '70s Heart. All the other people on this list, sure. Don't care about any of them.

Chris Bantle
Chris Bantle

Looks like rft needs new writers some of this shit is ridiculous.. are the people that come up with these from the bum fuck Egypt cause the doors rock!

M.King
M.King

If your really have no broad knowledge of music then a good rule is, don't write about music!

In the case of "The Ten Best Songs By Awful Musicians" you would have been much better off if you chosen a different subject.

For instance the Doors, could hardly be described as 'Awful Musicians.' 

If you don't know how to approach the music of a band such as the Doors, I suggest you look to the archives of Rolling Stone Magazine. There you will be able to find information on the Doors and find what the Rolling Stone staff thinks about the band and their albums.

In the case of the Doors, Rolling Stone Magazine likes the Doors and their albums.

In fact, the magazine has reviewed many of the band's albums and, as I remember, several Doors' albums have received highly favorable reviews from Rolling Stone.

Jason P. Gould
Jason P. Gould

The Doors... C'mon, they're only one of the greatest bands EVER. You had me reading up until that point so well played.

Patrick Gonzales
Patrick Gonzales

The DOORS? Seriously? Get over yourselves. Give me your address so that I can give you some change to buy a clue RFT.

Ruby Kroon
Ruby Kroon

Mike, I guess thems fightin words! Looks like they're getting ready to stone you!

Joe Joe
Joe Joe

How the fuck can you put The Doors on there with with all that other trash? Ray Manzarek has more musical talent in his pinkies than all of those other bands combined. The Black Keys with two more members? Jesus just make the whole newspaper hooker adds already

William Wiser
William Wiser

RFT, the worst articles written in the worst paper.

Bill Long
Bill Long

All I can say is: Bitch Please.

Katie Mayberry
Katie Mayberry

You're calling The Doors and Heart horrible bands? I guess I missed that memo (and so did so many other people). What happened to you, RFT?

Jake Bingley
Jake Bingley

Must be the same writer who made fun of the Clash. Fire this kid

Michael Heermann
Michael Heermann

That's exactly what I thought Ashley. I'm like, "Heart is no good??" Can you name me a better female vocalist? I think not

Joel Colin Hulsey
Joel Colin Hulsey

Yeah, fuck opinions! I hate assholes who share their opinion on the internet! What has the world come to?

Ryan Paluczak
Ryan Paluczak

The Doors and "run of the mill" are a weird sort of oxymoron...

Ken Lamar
Ken Lamar

I thought the Riverfront Times journalist was really going downhill, and then they publish this and totally confirmed my belief!

Dave Bishop
Dave Bishop

Another weak top ten list by the rft.

David J. McCutcheon
David J. McCutcheon

Don't click, people. That's how you give them ad revenue and why we see this trite instead of real writing. RFT is now a college kid's blog and it's pathetic as fuck. The faster it dies, the better off we will be. Also, I hate the Doors, but you won't see me adding them on any "worst ever" list.

gonzomurphy
gonzomurphy

Well we know who's number one on the RFT's useless articles by talentless writers.


Seriously, is this the best you can do?  God, I hope it's the worst, but I'm an optimist by nature.....

Lauren Kristine
Lauren Kristine

What a terrible article...plus Jim Morrison and The Doors are rock icons... So is Heart. Someone doesn't know music very well. Why would you include these two with Train and Ashanti in the same realm? Ha! Waste of time.

Matt Ferch
Matt Ferch

The author is a troll and a dumbfuck.

Wendy Weller
Wendy Weller

Uh, Morrison is a lyrical genius. The Doors is a terrible example for this article. Shame shame shame.

Matt Gardetto
Matt Gardetto

Come on people... The Doors really are horrible.

Brandon Herges
Brandon Herges

Can we run RFT out of town like they begged us to run 103.7 out of town? Send them back to their parent paper in LA

Andrew Ward
Andrew Ward

That was a list of terrible songs. Wtf

Brandon Herges
Brandon Herges

I love how you retards included the Doors just as click bait. RFT sucks. Pass it on.

Paul Rich
Paul Rich

It's always refreshing to hear someone rip apart the the Doors and Black Keys, use this forum to prop up their brother and reference Gossip Girl in the process. Plus who hates Heart? Greatest band ever of course not but saying they only had 1 song (one of their 80s songs mind you) of value is a bit of a stretch. I hear next week Mike Seely will be telling us how Led Zeppelin is an overblown pop band while referencing the OC and how his uncle wrote all the Beatles music. RFT, you might want to read some of the stuff you let people post before posting it. Clearly this guy hates music.

Becky Raab Bokern
Becky Raab Bokern

The Doors were NOT aweful! They were the OPPOSITE of aweful. They are legendary. This article gets 5 thumbs down.

Chris Mcnabb
Chris Mcnabb

Ray manzerek had more talent in his pinky finger than this clown. What a dumbasd

mikebatchelor
mikebatchelor

John Tesh is anything but an awful musician.. The dude can play like 20 different instruments and play them well.  Went to a show of his years ago with a free ticket reluctantly to Riverport, and it was amazing.   And I don't get the hate for Heart, either; its a great band that's been around 40+ years and had a slew of hits.

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