A Wedding at the Gathering of the Juggalos

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Drew Ailes
Tiffany and Dip Set, juggalo bride and groom, exhange vows.
"Please, we ask you to hold your Faygo until the wedding begins," a woman with electric green braids instructs the crowd. Standing anxiously nearby is the groom, outfitted in a Jack Skellington top hat. His big day has arrived -- he is about to be wed to the love of his life, here at the Gathering of the Juggalos in Thornville, Ohio.

"I'm gonna try and fuck her in the butt tonight," he jokes.

As dedicated to their juggalo family as they are to one another, Tiffany and Dip Set, bride and groom, are here to tie the marriage noose at the Gathering's Carousel Stage.

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Drew Ailes
The bride approaches the stage.

While a man with long hair plays a death metal version of "Here Comes The Bride" on electric guitar, audience members scream out the familial cry of "woop woop!" and bounce their heads in approval. The bride approaches the wedding in a golf cart before dismounting behind the crowd and making her way to the stage with a spirited little person following her as a flower girl. Juggalos swarm, brandishing smartphones and snapping pictures as other observers throw gummy candy. Jason Webber, head of Psychopathic Records' public relations, sports a tacky suit and passionately sings "She's Your Queen" (best-known from the film Coming to America) in falsetto.

See also: The Gathering of the Juggalos' Night Court Helps Wicked Clowns Bury the Hatchet (NSFW)

"We are gathered here today to get fuckin' married," says the wedding's officiant. After a short speech that includes platinum lines like "swear to love her titties for all eternity" and "find someone willing to put up with how fucked up you are," the bespectacled emcee outlines the history of the couple: Tiffany and Dip Set have been together for two years now, having first met at a party after a Twiztid concert.

"If you want a lesson in being a man, look to this man," states the officiant. "He took in two kids that his dick did not create to become their father."

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Drew Ailes

As the smell of trash, body odor and sunscreen waft through the air, the couple exchanges its vows. Hers are sincere and uttered with emotional pauses. His are crass and unrehearsed, yet simultaneously come off as charming, disgusting and refreshingly vulnerable.

"I promise I will always do what I have to in order to support us, even if I have to lose another finger," he states.

The groom continues: "I promise your neden [juggalo-speak for "vagina"] will be the only neden I ever taste." A female attendee with purple and blue hair -- herself presently eating a mixture of onions and beef slime -- looks on, chuckling.

The two juggalo lovebirds then repeat some touching lyrics from the song "Always" by Psychopathic Records rock band, Zug Izland.

"I want you to see / no matter how things can be / you've always got me. / You've always got me."

The officiant then turns to Tiffany and Dip Set, encouraging them to make out. They oblige as juggalos spray the soft-drink Faygo everywhere in joyous celebration. The newlyweds then leave the stage, shaking a few hands as they climb into a golf cart covered in balloons. Together they putter away toward their Dark Carnival version of happily ever after.

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Drew Ailes

As they often do, the crowd erupts into a chant of "Fam-i-ly! Fam-i-ly!". But this time the refrain has dual meaning. Congratulations to the happy couple.

More coverage from the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos:

Ten Changes to the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos After Its Move from Illinois to Ohio

The Gathering of the Juggalos' Night Court Helps Wicked Clowns Bury the Hatchet (NSFW)

We Talk to the Cops at Gathering of the Juggalos

Jared Gomes of Hed PE Jumps Off Stage and Punches Heckler at the Gathering of the Juggalos

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Follow the author, Drew Ailes, on Twitter @CountBakula.


My Voice Nation Help
30 comments
ut_4_me
ut_4_me topcommenter

I think the word "Juggalos" give Drew Ailes wood.

Megg Ray
Megg Ray

You should have never went. Ergo.

Charlie Horn
Charlie Horn

Meanwhile the RFT music bloggers hate on just about every other musical act that exists. Hmmm, now I know why. They only like ICP.

Dan Porter
Dan Porter

I don't like ICP's music, but I am more concerned why people here are shitting on other people for enjoying life and having a good time? Maybe you all should seek some professional help, live and let live.

Lucas Adams
Lucas Adams

Why? Why send reporters? Rft must employ icp fans.

Martin Patrick
Martin Patrick

Seems like a lot of people can't find their sense of humor. Keep the coverage coming!

Katie Cottonfluff Hansen
Katie Cottonfluff Hansen

Wait..I'm a Juggalette, don't sell drugs, hold down a job, raise my kid and we don't bounce from couch to couch. Does that make me white trash because of the music I listen to? Absolutely not. You all are a bunch of closed minded stereotyping people.

Riverfront Times
Riverfront Times

There's a national Juggalo festival happening right now, and our reporters are there. Ergo...

Erich Lenway
Erich Lenway

Haha jealous of what? I have my own house. I don't move from people's couch to couch for a few days. And don't sell bunk drugs to survive. LOL try again dude.

Andrew James Wasson
Andrew James Wasson

If they're lucky the marriage might just last until next "Gathering".

Dan Foshage
Dan Foshage

DB Cooper Tim McNamara Blake McNamara

Jeanne Miller Kiefer
Jeanne Miller Kiefer

Keep the stories coming Riverfront Times......my daughter is there! Whats sad is all the negative comments from so many hateful people....wow

Riverfront Times
Riverfront Times

Well, our reporters are there for the duration of the festival, so expect more reports from the front lines of Juggalo Heaven.

Erich Lenway
Erich Lenway

This news paper... if it isn't about gays, it's about jobless white trash icp fans. Get a grip RFT

Kathi Barnett- Bilbrey
Kathi Barnett- Bilbrey

Cause they're neat stories I get a laugh every time RFT covers the juggalos. .keep it up

Lucas Adams
Lucas Adams

Why do you focus on these idiots? Its like every other day i see another story about icp fans.

andrewrobertailes
andrewrobertailes topcommenter

i just want to point out to everyone that this Erich Lenway guy has liked three separate Facebook pages for a guitarist that got kicked out of Marilyn Manson. oh and he's single

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