5 Things We Learned During Miley Cyrus' 'Bangerz' Tour at Scottrade Center

Bryan Sutter

Cyrus' favorite fashion trend: bodysuits.

Even with the constant costume changes for Cyrus and her crew, the former Disney star stayed true to the apparel that's currently closest to her heart: bodysuits. Appropriating a style that was created to make it easy for babies to have their poopy diapers changed, Cyrus sported high-cut onesies in yellow sequins, dollar bills, checkered tablecloth, white glitter and more. And we've got to give it to the woman -- her toned body does the stupid trend justice.

Those bodysuits definitely showed off Cyrus' other favorite object -- her ... well ... hoohah. No matter if she was busting out a Michael-Jackson-like thrust, seductively snaking a finger south or splaying her legs out while reclining on a prop, Cyrus repeatedly made sure that her private parts weren't all that private. But hey, if you're proud, go loud!

Bryan Sutter

The stage show is an orgy of ideas.

Were you dragged to the show by your girlfriend or daughter? Got a little shiny-object syndrome? You still might have enjoyed the concert, even if it was simply because of all the WTF?ness. It seems that pop tours lately have become cornucopias of stimulation, which we saw on Taylor Swift's "Red" tour last year. But where Swift's show was charming and well themed, Cyrus' effort felt like someone went to the mall and raided a Spencer's. Blacklight poster art? Check. Fake money for lots of "make it rain" moments? Check. Dancing monkeys and sharks? Check. A singing kitty in space? Check. Aforementioned flying wiener? Check. It takes major moolah for this kind of spectacle, though, and we can't even imagine how much all of this stuff cost -- especially when we consider the costume changes after practically every song and the different mechanisms that launched Cyrus over the audience.

Bryan Sutter

Hannah Montana is dead.

This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone with functional eyeballs or a thirst for TMZ, but the young woman who shimmied all over the stage last night worked her ass off to put as much distance between herself and her childhood as possible. Of course, many of us end up despising at 21 who we were at twelve, but Cyrus's show and antics over the past few years suggested a deeper loathing; it was like the pot-loving, tongue-wagging, everything-humping Miley of today eviscerated her old "Hannah" persona in broad daylight and then gleefully licked blood from her fingers while asking us, "Hey, wanna see something cool?"

Still, despite constantly being bombarded by Lindsay Lohan-level news about Cyrus, St. Louis may have been a tad surprised at witnessing the change in person; after all, the city hadn't seen her since 2009 during the World Wonder tour and Cyrus wasn't really humping anything then, other than a stripper pole on the Teen Choice Awards. But after a show in which Cyrus defiled a dog, spanked Allen and spread her legs more often than an exercise instructor, we have to ask the parents of the eight-year-old kids in the audience: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?


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