The Ten Biggest Douchebags In Country Music

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Courtesy of the label
Mainstream country music gets an unfair rap as being universally over-polished and formulaic, a notion that artists like Kacey Musgraves and Eric Church obliterate every time they strap on their guitars. But there's a granule of truth to the stereotype, and a particularly damaging subgenre -- known as "bro-country" -- is lending it far too much credibility right now.

See also: The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever

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Five Albums That Breed Insufferable Fans

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There are only a few albums in the world that transcend any scene or genre, and build a following in their own, distinct shadows. It's powerful, and it's mostly good, but sometimes the greatest albums of all time can turn good, solid people into an absolutely insufferable demographic. You know what I'm talking about. Those albums.

You're at a party, you asked someone about their favorite records, they reply with a record you both like, but their fandom runs in a dark, depressing obsession -- there's a reason Weezer fans always travel in groups. We went ahead and highlighted a few of these albums, if only to help inspire a bit of sanity back into their steadfast followers. It's never good when a human being can be adequately described with the name of an album.

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Five Music Writing Clichés That Need to Die

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Cloud Nothings' Here and Nowhere Else: "Powerfully utilitarian."
On Monday, I read the following sentence on a popular music website about the new Cloud Nothings album: "The band continues to make powerfully utilitarian music for people who don't seek out this type of music just to be told what to think." I read it over and over again until my eyes rolled back into my head. It is perhaps the most inscrutable piece of music writing ever published, because not only does it imply that some people turn to a band like Cloud Nothings to "be told what to think," it also makes the claim that Cloud Nothings somehow subvert that expectation.

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Why the Grammys Don't Matter

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About this time five years ago, I was driving around with the radio tuned to a classic-rock station when whatever supercomputer Clear Channel uses to program its stations decided it was time for "Heart of Gold." "That was Neil Young," the DJ bantered afterward. "Congrats to him for winning his first ever Grammy last night."

"Seriously?" I thought. "It's 2009, and Neil Young just got his first Grammy? He didn't get anything for 'Harvest Moon' or 'Rockin' in the Free World' or 'Ohio'? Nothing for Harvest, one of the biggest albums of the '70s?" Clearly, AllMusic.com had to be consulted.

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Music's Biggest Douchebags: 2013 Edition

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Photo by Marco Torres
King Douchebag himself, Kanye West.
The musical landscape abounds with douchebags of all stripes. Normally their D-bag behavior is pretty amusing, but this year things took a turn for the completely messed-up -- music might have had more douchebags in 2013 than ever before.

It was tough sifting through the bad behavior that went on this year, but I forced myself to endure it to find the worst of the worst. Let's have a toast for the biggest douchebags of the year, including douchebaggery's patron saint Kanye West, who managed to once again engage in the douchebaginess he has come to embody.

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Why Kanye's St. Louis Tour Date Was Really Cancelled

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By Jay Stephens

It's been almost two weeks since the truck carrying Kanye West's specialized tour equipment was in a mysterious accident, resulting in the postponement of many of the shows on the YEEZUS tour and the outright cancellation of its St. Louis date. There is still no new information regarding the nature of the crash or the people involved, and the investigation may stop altogether now that the equipment has been repaired and the tour is kicking back off again.

But luckily, we're here to speculate wildly on who the most likely culprits of a YEEZUS tour sabotage might be.

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Ten Things the Door Guy Hates About You

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Photo: Erik Hess
The Door Guy. He's seen and heard it all. Pukes puking. Bros fighting. Liars lying about the guest list to get by him. Drunks falling. Your "Turn up!" is his "Calm down!" Frankly, he hates you. Here are ten reasons why you can't blame him.

See Also: The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue

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Joey Bada$$, Ab-Soul Handcuffed and Detained in St. Louis: "Typical Police Bullshit"

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Screenshot from Instagram video on the scene.
Joey Bada$$ and Ab-Soul, two of the rappers hitting St. Louis tonight as part of the Smokers Club tour, were handcuffed and detained by police last night while walking through their hotel's parking lot to the tour bus. Early reports suggested the two had been arrested (presumably for marijuana), but new details emerged today that they were merely briefly detained.

"The show is still on tonight in St. Louis," rapper Statik Selektah said today in a statement to HipHopDX. "That was some typical police bullshit."

See also: The Thirteen Best St. Louis Rappers in 2013

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Here's How Miley Cyrus Infiltrated the Hip Hop Community

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By Nick Nuk'em

After being wildly-ecstatic about the Jay Z song that was on in her debut single as Miley Cyrus "Party in the USA" (Hannah Montana's eulogy could've been given at the video shoot), the former Disney starlet recently found herself being referred to on Hov's recent MCHG. One could say the tables have turned. With her much publicized image shift, Miley has found herself not only on a freeway overpass in L.A., but also firmly aboard the train that is contemporary hip-hop.

See Also: Justin Bieber Downward Spiral Predictions for 2014

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In Defense of the Eagles

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The Eagles
Shitting on the Eagles is basically a national pastime for hard-core Americana fans. In fact, while there are several brilliant artists that alt-country loyalists are apt to bond over, dislike of the Eagles may be the single most prevalent and unifying force.

Yet while there is ample cause to loathe the Eagles (just this week a woman in South Carolina stabbed her roommate when he refused to stop listening to the band), the group's raw output leaves no doubt that they're among the most influential bands in Americana history, especially when taking into account some of the insurgent acts of today. Yes, Glenn Frey's an insufferable prick. But it's time to take it easy on the band as a whole.

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