The 10 Most Ridiculous Homemade Signs at the One Direction Concert

Categories: LOLZ

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Micah Usher
New Kids On the Block One Direction performed in St. Louis last night at the Edward Jones Dome, bringing out scores of crazed fans who gladly stood outside in the rain for hours, for some reason, as the streets were blocked off. The young ladies milled about and presumably screamed excitedly at one another about who their favorite members of the group are, and many carried homemade signs.

Yeah, about those signs....

See also: Our full slideshow from the event

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The Video Music Awards Completely and Unfairly Snubbed Stitches

Categories: LOLZ

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YouTube Screen Capture
Better have his money when he comes a'collect.

This past Sunday, MTV aired the highly anticipated 31st installment of its Video Music Awards. Always an unpredictable and raucous night, there was unfortunately a black cloud looming over the entire telecast owing to the complete and total snubbing of Florida rapper Stitches.

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Dumbass RFT Music Editor Locks Keys in Car at Site of Ferguson Unrest, Is Stupid Dumbass

Categories: LOLZ

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Roger Wollstadt/Flickr
Technically not my car, but a good enough approximation.
[Note: The situation in Ferguson is as such that even lowly music journalists such as myself have felt compelled to report on the scene -- I wrote this article, which was published Wednesday -- despite having more experience with things like Ra Ra Riot than real-life riots. In keeping, I am an idiot who probably has no business being on the ground, and who should probably be leaving this work to RFT's actual news reporters, whose work has been simply astounding. I offer this article as my case in point. Hopefully it can bring a small amount of much-needed levity and laughter to a city in the midst of a terrible situation. This story occurred on Wednesday night, before the St. Louis County force was replaced by the decidedly less-militarized state troopers. Enjoy.]

At approximately 9:30 p.m. Wednesday night, after hitting several police roadblocks around the site of the protesting in Ferguson, I finally found a way to drive into the fray, popping out just behind the line where police were turning away cars. I parked on a residential street that runs perpendicular to W. Florissant, and the first thing I saw was an armored personnel vehicle 40 yards away from my position, loaded with cops dressed in all their military finery. Nearby, I watched other police officers dropping smoke flares on the ground and turning away cars that were coming through. One of the full-riot-gear police stood in the middle of the street, holding a shotgun and telling vehicles and pedestrians alike to turn around and go the other way. Overhead, a police helicopter repeatedly shined a spotlight on pedestrians including myself, flashing it to indicate further that we should leave, and just south of my location police had begun deploying rubber bullets, flash grenades, tear gas and sound cannons.

In awe of the scene, I stepped slowly out of my car and shut the door, distracted and neglecting to realize I had left my keys sitting on the passenger seat. I figured it out two seconds after the door closed, as is often the case in these matters.

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Cannibal Corpse Singer Crowned Hot Dog Eating Champion

Categories: LOLZ

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Nate "Igor" Smith
George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher, Oscar Mayer Winner.
Cannibal Corpse frontman George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher put on an impressive showing at the Gathering of the Juggalos' Hot Dog Eating Challenge this past weekend, taking home top honors with a staggering score of 112 -- beating record-holder Joey Chestnut's top score of 69 by 43 full wieners.

See also: Cannibal Corpse Performing In Broad Daylight: Photos

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Cannibal Corpse Performing In Broad Daylight: Photos

Categories: LOLZ

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Nate "Igor" Smith

Extreme death metal band Cannibal Corpse typically moves in the darkness, spreading evil with songs such as "Dismembered and Molested," "I Cum Blood" and of course, "Entrails Ripped From a Virgin's Cunt." The band prides itself on its extremely violent approach to its subject matter, arguing that its music is simply an over-the-top form of artistic entertainment.


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Yeehaw! Missouri Ranks As No. 3 State Where Life Is Like a Country Song

Categories: LOLZ, WTF

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Estately
Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Or, you know, just hop into your pickup truck.

Are we really living out country songs here in Missouri? Hound dogs, pickup trucks, moonshine and the works, to the extent of being the third-most country-fried state in the nation? Armed with tons of data, national real estate site Estately challenges that it's possible. Oh, joy.

We've been burned in the past with weird data factories claiming to have the pulse of the country. Anyone remember when the Echo Nest swore that the most popular band in Missouri was the Shins? Yeah, that was kind of crazy. (We think our very scientific discovery about the least popular bands in the states was way better.)

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The Six Craziest Music Items at St. Louis Resale Shops

Categories: LOLZ, List-O-Rama

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Allison Babka
These are on two-for-one special.

Did you put on a party hat and celebrate the United States' birthday all weekend? Sure you did -- we caught you lathering up strangers at your foam parties and proudly sporting your sequined hats at Fair Saint Louis. And you know what? It's your constitutional right (we think?) to fete the red, white and blue any way you see fit -- especially if it involves setting things on fire and consuming mass quantities of cheap beer.

Those are all great activities to celebrate the U. S. of A., but we at RFT Music did one better -- we searched for the weirdest music memorabilia St. Louis that thrift, consignment, antique and resale shops had to offer. Yes, we happily spent dozens of cents on some gently used goods (We're thrilled with the $3 vinyl "Do They Know It's Christmas?" single we took home!) while laughing our asses off at the relics of Mom's closet. It's the American Way, people! So as a late birthday present to this great country, we present the six best music-related items that still need loving homes.

See also: Electric Flurry Shoots Foam, Not Fireworks (Slideshow)


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Tom Waits Paved the Way for Shrewd Musicians Cashing in on Literal Commercial Success

Categories: Fiesta!, LOLZ

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YouTube
You give me something I can feeeeeeeeeel. And it's called money.

Twenty-four years ago today, Tom Waits scored a big victory for musicians.

In the late '80s, snack-food company Frito-Lay had approached the theatrical, gravel-voiced singer-songwriter about using one of this tunes in a Doritos commercial. Waits said, "Hell, no," so Frito-Lay went ahead with the ad and used a singer who could duplicate Waits' voice.

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Jeff Tweedy, Ginuwine Sing for Unity on Parks & Rec Season Finale

Categories: LOLZ, Last Night

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@unity_concert | twitter
Jeff Tweedy does neat things.

Hey, did you guys know that Jeff Tweedy was on the season finale of Parks and Recreation last night? I didn't. Wait, that's not quite true -- I heard about it a million months ago but kind of forgot until 40 minutes before the episode aired, and then I got excited and forced a friend to say that I could go to their house to watch it.

But still! Jeff Tweedy! And possibly (totally) some other musicians! And a not-so-secret Michelle Obama cameo! And no Zooey Deschanel whatsoever!

See also: Prince Blesses The New Girl, Forces Us to Watch This Stupid Show

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A Brief History of 20th Century Noise in St. Louis, According to Chim Richards

Categories: LOLZ

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Photo by Mark Buckheit
Dazzling Killmen, referenced within.

Remember Chim Richards, that guy who has been messing with us here at RFT Music for weeks by sending phony (and hilarious) event submissions? Well he is at it again, and has stepped his game up this time.

See also: Some Joker Calling Himself "Chim Richards" Has Been Messing with Us

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