Half of the Village People Banned From Ballpark Village By Dress Code

Categories: LOLZ

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Press Photo
L to R: Permissible, banned, permissible, banned, banned, permissible.
Ballpark Village's newly announced dress code has hit the Village People community especially hard, leaving half of the band barred altogether from the premises each night after 9 p.m.

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Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl": Local Performer Makes it Gayer

Categories: LOLZ

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Kriss Abigail
The song's been bouncing around Kyla Louise Webb's head ever since she heard the damn thing in 2008. Katy's Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" -- the national anthem of frivolous lady makeouts -- just wasn't...that gay at all.

"I always thought that line in the song is ridiculous: 'I hope my boyfriend don't mind it,'" says Webb, a St. Louis local who performs as the Charlie Chaplin-esque Sammy Tramp in the neo-vaudevillian touring show, the Beggar's Carnivale.

"On one hand it was great that this attractive woman was saying it was OK, but on the other hand she was really shooting everyone in the foot by saying, 'I only kiss girls when I'm drunk in a bar. And then I go home to my boyfriend.'"

So what's a proud lesbian, neo-vaudevillian songwriter like Webb to do? Write gayer song lyrics, obviously.

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Eminem, Skrillex Leaked as Lollapalooza Headliners; World Shrugs

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In recent weeks St. Louis has had a bit of a hard-on for Lollapalooza. After all, representatives from Los Angeles-based ICM Partners and leaders from our board of aldermen have told us time and again that the proposed Summer Rocks festivals will offer the Gateway City a multi-stage, multi-act, multi-millions-of-dollars musical experience similar to what Chicago has every August.

See also: Summer Rocks Music Festival Bill Passed By Aldermanic Committee

So let's think about what Lollapalooza 2014 may be like, eh? Yesterday evening, Chicago Tribune music critic Greg Kot leaked the acts his "industry sources" have confirmed to be Lollapalooza's headliners:

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Justin Bieber Does Not Eat Poop

Categories: LOLZ

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Not a poop-eater, as determined by Google.
Have you ever Googled something only to find that their autofill feature suggests some really strange stuff? This has been the source of Tumblr blogs and memes alike. It has also been the reason many a person has lost faith in humanity, seeing ridiculous questions on obvious subjects. Just type "why" in there for maximum hilarity.

I decided to check out what some of the suggestions were for some of the more popular musicians around. If you've ever read YouTube comments on their videos, you'd know that people can come up with the absolute dumbest ideas and questions about musicians, and thankfully Google didn't disappoint.

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St. Louis' Hilariously Varied Reactions to this Year's Pointfest Lineup

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You know, we here at RFT Music get a little jaded sometimes. We're so used to concert announcements clogging our inboxes that we just yawn when embargoes are up, and we're finally allowed to tell you about all the secret information we've been hoarding. That's why instead of reading stuff in black and white, it was neat to witness the Twitter reactions as Lux of 105.7 FM (The Point) announced the Pointfest 2014 lineup Monday afternoon.

See also: Queens of the Stone Age Coming to Verizon Wireless Amphitheater for Pointfest

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Oscars 2014 Recap: The Best Music Moments

Categories: Fiesta!, LOLZ

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It's the Oscarszzzzzzzz! Ellen DeGeneres returned to host red-carpet season's most boring awards show last night with a little more bite than her goodie-goodie turn in 2007. The daytime talk show vet kicked off the ungodly-long telecast by making fun of actress Jennifer Lawrence's fall (this year's, not last year's) and calling actor and 30 Seconds to Mars vocalist Jared Leto "pretty," but she soon soothed her famous friends by having pizza delivered and taking selfies that break Twitter. For real, yo.

But honestly, we didn't give a shit about who won Oscars (Find out here.). The only reason we watched was to judge the telecast's musical moments. There were plenty of snoozers -- sorry, Karen O. and Idina Menzel -- but enough stars brought charm and joy that we didn't hate ourselves for watching this crap. Below, check out what we consider to be the telecast's musical highlights. Be sure to tell us your favorite moments in the comments!

See also: "Grammys Highlights: Daft Punk Wins, Pharrell's Hat, Taylor Swift Has Sex with a Piano"


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Katy Perry, Talking About Her Boobs Again

Categories: Fiesta!, LOLZ

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Jena Ardell

Katy Perry makes headlines every time she talks about her boobs, so maybe that's why she brings up her Big Gulps in nearly every interview. Here she is in February's GQ Magazine:
"I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, 'God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can't see my feet when I'm lying down?' At age eleven, God answered my prayers."

Here are other things Perry has said about her breasts...

See also: Katy Perry's "Roar": Why This Song Sucks


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Prince Blesses The New Girl, Forces Us to Watch This Stupid Show

Categories: LOLZ, Last Night

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@NewGirlOnFox | Twitter

YOU GUYS! I ACTUALLY WATCHED THE NEW GIRL FOR YOU! ASDFGHJKL;!

First, a little context. I hate Zooey Deschanel. Yeah, she played LouFest that one time and I know that some of you adore her, but I seriously can't stand her precious twee ways, her cotton skirts, her giant eyes and her abhorrent "singing." I know, I know: I have issues.

But until eight gazillion commercials featuring Prince and Zooey cuddling aired during the Super Bowl, I totally forgot that The Artist Formerly Known As Prince But Once Again Known As Prince was a huge fan of The New Girl and had worked his way onto an episode of the show. And here we freaking are.

See also: Check Out This Awesome Prince Fan Art

If you missed what surely ranks as one of the worst post-Super Bowl episodes of any show in the history of forever, you're lucky. But if you're curious about the purple crapfest, here's what went down:

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Grammys Highlights: Daft Punk Wins, Pharrell's Hat, Taylor Swift Has Sex with a Piano

Categories: LOLZ, Music Awards

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Daft Punk

Here at RFT Music, we care about our readers. We want to bring you sunshine, not rain. Joy, not pain. That's why we sucked it up and watched the ridiculous 56th annual Grammy awards last night -- so you didn't have to.

No need to thank us -- we were happy to sit through four hours of hell to earn your love. We endured everything from Katy Perry's battle with the Harry Potter dementors to Robin Thicke corrupting Chicago (the band, not the city, though we imagine that happens too) to Daft Punk winning everything but refusing to say thank you. The entire Grammys telecast wasn't completely terrible, though. We also got to witness a performance from the two surviving Beatles and Kendrick Lamar making Imagine Dragons sound infinitely better than they really are.

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20 Signs You Spend Too Much Time in the Loop

Categories: LOLZ

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Paul Sableman
Loop-dwellers have a different skill-set than regular visitors to other parts of the city. Their brains are wired differently now, with random thoughts and tidbits of information that could only come from too much time spent on the bustling stretch between the Church of Scientology and the Pageant.

How do we know? Well, RFT Headquarters is nestled on Delmar as well; right in the thick of it. We are living it, baby. Here are twenty signs you spend too much time in the Loop (like us).

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