Six of the Most Underrated Songs of All Time

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Ancient press photo from old timey times.
Type O Negative
The world continues to burn, propelling artists such as Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and La Bouche to the top of the charts. Meanwhile, some of the most brilliant artists sit silently in obscurity. Sometimes people discover them years later and bring them to light through covers, or a hip-hop artist incorporates samples of an overlooked piece of brilliance and gives a slight revitalization to the track.

Whether it's a painting, a sculpture or a song, everyone can agree that it's a true tragedy when an important work of art seems to be ignored by the general populace. It's depressing. Devastatingly sad. It can almost be as difficult as
"Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity."

And with that, we are pleased to present Six of the Most Underrated Songs of All Time.


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Six Reasons Your Band Should Not Play Longer Than Twenty Minutes

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Tom Coates/Flickr
Imagine you're on a date and you're telling a story. It's a long one, but you know it's a winner. Everyone always loves this story. Three quarters of the way to the punch line, you notice a shift in your date's behavior. She's glancing at the door, bouncing her leg or messing with her hair. Does she want a cigarette? Does she need another drink to quell the anxiety? Has she been hit with a bout of explosive diarrhea?

Moments like these separate perceptive and considerate people from torturous, self-indulgent-asshole ones. The first will recognize the proper social cues and say something like, "Hey, let's grab another drink, and I'll finish this in a minute." The latter, however, will continue endlessly flapping their tight red gums, concentrating on themselves and their immediate needs.

See also: Six People to Avoid When Forming a Band

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Six Reasons Employers Should Hire Touring Musicians

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Incase/Flickr
In 2014, you should've already figured it out by now: Your dumpy, forgettable band with few fans should be touring. The need to turn your local bar band into a mobile poverty-stricken disaster unit is of utmost importance. It's your chance to see beautiful rolling landscapes, fall in love with people you'll only talk to on the Internet and learn how to comfortably carry yourself onstage. Tour is where baby takes his first steps -- gaining a new, elevated perspective and examining the world with awe while still shitting his pants.

Literally.

See also: Six People to Avoid When Forming a Band

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Six Legitimate Reasons to Make Art

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Steven Depolo/Flickr
A factor in the decline of decent art was recently dragged onto center stage by the New York Times in an article called "Brooklyn Communal Cool: The Brand." The piece, authored by a person who spells "mic" like "mike," focuses on a communal-living quarters in Brooklyn called the Clubhouse and its ties to a "new media" company called BKLYN1834. And if you couldn't guess by the fact that somebody started a company without any vowels, it's a bunch of bullshit.

Here's a choice quote that basically sums up the article:

"For our generation of artists, we realize that we are each our own brand, but not everyone knows how to manage this," Mr. Reid said. "Our business is to equip artists with these tools, which feels like a natural, organic progression of what we already do at the Clubhouse."

Amid the swirl of eye-rolls associated with the fraud and fakery of "indie" pop-art and its interaction in a new-media marketplace, we'd like to present to you the six legitimate reasons to make art. (Hint: it has nothing to do with "branding" and everything to do with this Bill Hicks clip.

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Six Hilariously Awesome Pop Culture Mashup Paintings from a Demented Mind

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Matt Hooker
"David Lee Pan" combines the best of Van Halen and Big Trouble in Little China.
One of the most painful feelings in the world is when you encounter someone who desperately wants you to see their art. If you're not overcome with waves of panic and dread, you're already plotting out all of the ways you can safely compliment something you're expecting to absolutely suck.

Thankfully, there are also those times that someone approaches you with something that is truly fantastic. Back in the early 2000s, a friend asked me to listen to an idea he came up with while in detox. Cringing, I heard to his plan to create a Metallica cover band fronted by the infamous watermelon-smashing prop comic Gallagher. He would call it "Metallagher." While the story of the bizarre thrash-metal/smash-fruit combo act continues, we came across something recently that is equally absurd on a similar level.

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Six Terrible Bands I Would Fight if I Could

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Press Photo
Buckcherry, who really should be on this list six times. Especially that second guy from the left, with the sociopatch on his face.
In the most head-shaking article unleashed on the Internet in recent memory, it was revealed that rapper/necrophiliac/federal agent impersonator DMX has been in talks to fight George Zimmerman, the infamous idiot who gunned down young Trayvon Martin. Luckily for humanity and overall decency in general, the fight has been called off after an outpouring of disapproval on social media.

The whole shitshow got me thinking, though, about fighting and musicians and poor taste in general, and which musical artists I would gladly rain blows upon if given the legal chance to do so. To get into the same mindset as I, it would be best to start huffing some rubber cement, put on this Abwärts album and let your glassy eyes read over these six bands that I'd like to fight.

(Oh, and if you happen to be in one of these groups, let's set this shit up. Your move, Buckcherry.)

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Six Vehicles Justin Bieber Should Be Driving Instead of a Lamborghini

Categories: Nitpick Six

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All illustrations by Dave Watt

Music journalism can be a pretty tough gig. Between eating complimentary cheese slices at your friend's bar and the women/men constantly sensually caressing your neck-beard for you, it is sometimes difficult to seek out interesting, topical material. Thank God, then, for Justin Bieber -- that sparkling jewel of ridicule that every music journalist dreams of as they comb bits of cheeseburger out of their chest hair.

As you're certainly aware of by now, His Biebness was recently charged with drunk driving and resisting arrest. While we can certainly relate to the resisting arrest charge (why would mere mortal men attempt to arrest a god?), it's difficult to understand why someone as wealthy as Bieber would be driving around in a simple car with his own two soft, childlike hands.

This week, we explore six vehicles that Justin Bieber probably should have been busted for driving while intoxicated, instead of a stupid car like some idiot poor person.

See Also: Crotching Whiskey at the Justin Bieber Concert and Getting Thrown Out: A Review

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Six Awful Songs with Amazing Intros

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Press Photo
Red Hot Chili Peppers, definitely appearing on this list.
Some people just know how to hook you, right? Say you're browsing an online dating profile and someone catches your eye. Witty one-liners, cute smirks, maybe something cryptic like a tattoo of Josef Stalin eating a hot dog. Their linked Tumblr page shows they have an active interest in occult medicine and deep-sea creatures. Whatever weird, dumb thing you're into on the Internet, they've got it. They've seemingly got the total package.

So you go and meet them at your favorite gastropub, and as you're sipping a glass of some crap with fernet in it, it dawns on you: This person doesn't seem that cool. How can this be? How could you have been snowed so easily based on a first impression?

It's the same, sometimes, with music. The following songs all have brilliant introductions but quickly go on to suck out loud. Listen and wince as the pangs of regret throb in your ears.

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Six People to Avoid When Forming a Band

Categories: Nitpick Six

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All illustrations by Dave Watt
Being in a band is hard. Assembling a band is almost impossible. As anyone who's been through a few bands can tell you, meeting a self-proclaimed "musician" should instill about as much enthusiasm in you as meeting someone who is going to college for a career in law enforcement. You're either about to talk to a caring, compassionate, intelligent person or a psychotic, self-serving demon. By the analogy, you can probably guess which is more common.

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36 New Year's Resolutions for an Awful Music Journalist

Categories: Nitpick Six

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Lori Ann / Flickr
Will music journalism always suck? Probably. MTV will always feature at least three Justin Bieber articles on its news page, and NME will continue their 1:4 ratio of articles about members of Oasis. And of course, people like me will still write articles about botching interviews and how cool nu-metal is.

But with a new year brings new hope. As part of the constant effort to create a better site and become a better music journalist, I multiplied six by six to give you the ultimate sixlist: 36 New Year's Resolutions for an Awful Music Journalist.

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