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As Unreal scientifically demonstrated last year, Washington University students aren't exactly the comeliest of specimens. But there's someone for everyone, we're told, and apparently unattractiveness is no barrier to public screwing.

At least, that's according to members of the school's janitorial staff , who have recently reported witnessing horizontal hokey pokey inside the school's library and law school .

"The students usually do not have the common sense or the decency to stop when they are confronted and seem to expect the Aramark employees to leave and come back later to do their work," read an e-mail obtained by the Riverfront Times, which was circulated by a law student last week. The student also said in the e-mail that a school dean asked him to alert fellow students to the situation.

Wash. U. police chief Don Strum confirmed the report. "We've not specifically come across the activity, but my understanding is that supervisors were hearing from some employees on their midnight shift about some of those things going on. So we asked our officers to increase our patrols of the area."

Strom describes the alleged sex acts as "consensual," but adds that sexual healing is not permitted in public areas. "It's clearly a violation of our student judicial code," he says, adding that a couple caught in the act would be dealt with within the parameters of the code and would probably not be expelled "unless it was a recurring problem."

The law student, however, warned of further repercussions for law student public-coitus practicioneers. "My advice is, do not have sex at school. My understanding is that, in addition to whatever criminal sanctions are imposed, this will go into your law school record, and that it will be reported to the character and fitness panel of every state or territory that you apply to practice law in. This reporting is not a matter of discretion, and is not contingent on proof of a criminal act. Bar authorities may delay your admission, require remedial activities or exclude you from the practice of law. Necessity is not a defense (even if your power is out at home).

"You have been warned."

-Ben Westhoff

Congratulations! If you're reading this blog, chances are you're one of the thousands of learned residents who've made St. Louis the 12th most literate city in the nation.

Of course, it helps that our leader, Mayor Francis Slay, is one of the most erudite men around. One need not scroll any further than Slay's blog to know the value our wordsmith-in-chief puts in the power of prose. To wit, just last week Slay used the literary survey of the nation's 70 largest cities to opine on some of St. Louis' more revered academic assets — as well as place another dig at the Post-Dispatch.

Regular readers of Slay's blog know that on more than one occasion (here, here and here) the mayor has used the Web site as a launching pad for attacks against the daily. Last week's affront was noteworthy in that it failed to mention the paper.

The literary survey gave St. Louis high marks in large part due to our public libraries, bookstores and newspaper circulation. In the latter category St. Louis ranked No. 7, with more of our residents reading the daily paper than in 63 other cities.

Spinning the survey to his liking, Slay linked his blog to the institutions he believes most contributed to the city's favorable ranking, including the St. Louis Public Library and book shop Left Banks Books. But when it came time to acknowledge the daily paper, Slay instead offered a link to one of his recent blog entries on the Vital Voice — St. Louis' weekly GLBT paper.

Slay writes that he was recently "reintroduced to the Voice by its irrepressible ad/sales director" and says he "will certainly not make the mistake of forgetting the Voice again."

With its editorial department unable to curry favor with the mayor, perhaps it's time the Post-Dispatch's advertising department give ol' Slay a call. His number: 314-622-3201.

-Chad Garrison

Earlier this month Missouri's Eighth District Circuit Court heard prostate surgeon William J. Catalona's appeal against his former employer, Washington University . As described by Bruce Rushton in his November 2003 feature, "Gland of Opportunity," Catalona built up a repository of blood and tissue samples from 10,000 cancer patients and their kin during his 26 years at the university. The rare and valuable collection could eventually lead to a cure for prostate cancer.

Shortly before leaving Wash. U. in 2003 for Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine , Catalona collected signatures from 6,000 of the donors, who said they wanted their tissue to remain under his control. Shortly thereafter, Wash. U. sued to keep the material in its possession. Catalona countersued, with his lawyers claiming that Wash. U.'s intentions were financially motivated.

In April 2006, a federal judge ruled in favor of Wash. U. The tissue remains stored at minus 70 degrees in Wash. U. freezers.

On Friday novelist and former physician Michael Crichton came down on Catalona's side of the argument in an opinion piece published in the Wall Street Journal (subscription required).

His comments, in part:

"America's university hospitals and major medical centers still command respect. But the perception that they are businesses like any other is growing stronger every day. Except, they're not — they're nonprofits, exempt from most of the rules and disclosures that are required of American businesses. In short, caveat patiens: keep copies of everything you sign, bring a lawyer to every medical appointment, and always, always watch your back."

-Ben Westhoff

Business owners voting in Wednesday's Cherokee Station Business Association officers election placed their ballots in a shoebox decorated in green Christmas wrapping paper. Its lid read "Warm Wishes," but the district's recent history suggested that the accompanying meeting would be filled with anything but.

True to form, raised voices and quivering chins were the order of the day, and over the course of an hour and a half, chaos reigned. Confused voters filled out their ballots and turned them in, unaware that candidates were meant to give pre-voting speeches — so current president Robin Strathmann scrapped the speeches. Candidate for treasurer William Liebermann, running with presidential candidate Jason Deem and vice-presidential candidate Minerva Lopez as part of a slate against the old guard, arrived with a pile of sealed proxy votes. But the association's constitution contains no rules on votes-by-proxy. Liebermann placed votes in the ballot box. Current vice-president Shirley Wallace removed them. Back and forth it went as a bemused and confused Harry Bennett, who as an official with the St. Louis Development Corporation was the election judge, sat in front of the "Warm Wishes" box and shook his head.

"Shirley, regardless of who wins this election I'll work with you," Liebermann said at one point.

Wallace's response? "I don't think so. I'll work for you, but I won't work with you."

Strathmann was overheard apologizing to Bennett. "This has been a fiasco," she acknowledged. Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, two aldermen representing parts of Cherokee Street were taking it all in. Ninth Ward Alderman Ken Ortmann stood by Shirley Wallace's plate of cookies. Although Cherokee Station is outside of his ward, he represents the street's eastern end — Antique Row — and therefore has a vested interest in the outcome of this election. When asked whether he wanted to chime in, he smiled and declined by saying, "I'm just enjoying the cookies." Alderman (and R. Crumb lookalike) Craig Schmid, in whose ward the business association lies, sat taking notes, then lowered tensions with an enthusiastic speech on the state of the area.

After an hour's worth of wrangling, Schmid joined Harry Bennett to count the ballots, and fifteen minutes later Bennett stood to announce that the reformers had trumped the incumbants.

"Apparently it was a landslide," said new treasurer William Liebermann later, adding that he and his colleagues have big plans for their one-year term. "Now we have no excuse to complain," he says.

Liebermann adds that he hopes to harness the energy to encourage more participation, "to grow the business, to open our doors to more individuals and to get more of the St. Louis pie. We need to make the association and the area a group that's on the radar screen."

-Randall Roberts

It seems that ever since Eero Saarinen blessed our river town with the Gateway Arch by winning a competition, this city has never figured out exactly how to honor the beautiful monument -- or how to lure visitors to the structure into downtown. So we've mostly just left the Arch -- and the corridor that leads up to it -- alone. Now, thanks to a contest sponsored by the St. Louis chapter of the American Institute of Architects (AIA) and others, there's a plan to spruce up the Gateway Mall area along Market and Chestnut streets.

The St. Louis Follies Ideas Competition began soliciting entries at the end of July, and the contest closed November 30. The judges include Adam Whiton (from MIT's media arts & sciences program), Jasmin Aber (an R.A. architect and a research scholar at the University of California Berkeley), Rollin Stanley (executive director at the City of St. Louis Planning & Urban Design Agency; see Randall Roberts' RFT feature on him here), Richard Baron (of developer McCormack Baron Salazar), Carl Ray Miller (from the Art Institute of Chicago) and several Washington University staffers.

A folly is "an often extravagant picturesque building erected to suit a fanciful taste." Trust us, we looked it up.

Susan Hegger, assistant managing editor for features at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, says she and Kurt Greenbaum, online news director at stltoday.com, made the decision to pull the plug on Dana Loesch and Bob Rybarczyk's tag-team appearances in the paper's Tuesday print edition.

Hegger and Greenbaum confirm that Loesch will continue to contribute to stltoday.com a weekly online installment of "Mamalogues," a column based on her blog of the same name; same goes for Rybarczyk and his "Suburban Fringe" column.

In blogging about the change yesterday, Loesch wrote that she was told she was being dropped from print because her language and subject matter were "blunter" than that which Post readers are accustomed to seeing. (See Loesch's post here and mine here.)

The Post editors say some misunderstanding resulted from the way the message was initially conveyed to Loesch.

"When we first talked, I didn't give her exhaustive reasons why," Greenbaum explains. "In the course of our conversation, I told her that there had been some complaints from readers."

After reading yesterday's blog post on Mamalogues.com, Greenbaum says, he spoke with Loesch again.

"I talked to her again after she posted on her blog. I think she understands that we have an audience for her voice online -- clearly a loyal audience online, so we're moving on."

Hegger says moving the blunt duo to print in the first place was part of an ongoing experiment in driving traffic online.

"Kurt and I have been trying to come up with different ways to build online audience," Hegger says. "Obviously the print edition has hundreds of thousands of readers -- how do we introduce them to content that's more Web-exclusive, or amplified on the Web?"

As an example she cites "Overheard Online," which sampled blogs and online forums in print, including food writer Joe Bonwich's "Eat at Joe's" forum. (And who can forget the "Be the Next 20-Buck Bernie" search?)

Exposing "Mamalogues" and "Suburban Fringe" to the print readership "was never seen as a permanent solution," Hegger says. "We're still in the early phases of trying out different things to acquaint people who read print with what is online."

Hegger downplays the issue of reader complaints. "To be honest with you, we didn't get a lot of response to either of them [Loesch or Rybarczyk], in either calls or e-mail. We got a few negative responses, yes -- and mostly to his, not hers. But I'm talking a handful after several months -- maybe five or six.

"It kind of ran its course."

-Tom Finkel

Blogger Dana Loesch, whose column "Mamalogues" has been running in the Tuesday Post-Dispatch every other week since July (and online once a week for about a year), has been dropped by the print edition of the paper, apparently because her musings about being a young St. Louis mom have offended the Post's geezer demographic.

Loesch breaks the news today in her blog, www.mamalogues.com, where she also notes that columnist Bob Rybarczyk, whose "Suburban Fringe" alternated Tuesdays with "Mamalogues," got the ink-stained heave-ho as well.

Writes Loesch:

I was informed that while online traffic is fan-diddily-tastic, the people who subscribe to the printed paper can't handle talk of things like breastfeeding or female hormones while brunching over crumpets and tea, so they complained -- unlike the people who previously complained because I spanked my kids; or how I said Linda Hirschman is a raving hag; or, ignoring my extensive journalism background, how come I'm the one who gets a column, gawd, NO FAIR! Some of the print readers caused me to feel a bit like I'm being admonished by my grandparents. I bet their hearts done near stopped when I said "menstruation."

I was informed that I am blunter than to what they are accustomed. I talk about things that happen in real life and I try to inject humor into it because doing so keeps me off the bottle. I suppose I could've toned it down but I don't know how much further one can dial back "chestal region" when speaking of female breasts or "Flo's visit" when discussing menstruation, or "marital relations" when discussing sex. I don't know what else I could've substituted for "Prozac." I don't want to sound bland. I'm a woman, these are issues that I deal with and I write what I know. I wasn't going to say anything initially, as I was hurt by it, but so many people are asking, I feel as though I have to.

In her post announcing the change, Loesch takes pains to be gracious, noting that she'll continue to columnize online at stltoday.com and that "I still adore the editorial staff and my editor -- the STLtoday staff just rocks it."

We've put voicemails in to the rockers at the Post for elaboration; we'll get back to you when they get back to us.

-Tom Finkel

Unreal isn't much for press conferences, but throw in free beer and we're there faster than you can say "media junket."

So it was this afternoon that we arrived thirsty at Anheuser-Busch headquarters for the unveiling of Budweiser's 2006 Cardinals World Series bottles. Per the company's press release: "Samples will be provided for the media!"

Apparently, by A-B definitions, the media include all 5,500 of its St. Louis employees -- a large percentage of whom already occupied the conference room by the time Unreal showed up. Also in attendance were A-B and Cardinals representatives, including relief pitchers Jason Isringhausen, Josh Hancock and Brad Thompson. As for the press, the only recognizable face we saw was that of Fox Sports Midwest reporter Jim Hayes, who, with a complimentary beer bottle stuffed into his back pocket, rushed the stage to interview the players following the conclusion of the short press conference.

Moments later the pitchers were seated like Santas at the shopping mall as hundreds of A-B employees filed past for autographs. Not everyone was impressed, given what might best be described as a lack of star power. Of the three Cardinals in attendance, only Thompson saw any playing time (two-thirds of an inning) during the World Series.

"I've got autographs of Gibson, Cepeda, Musial and [Cardinals organist] Ernie Hays," boasted one A-B employee awaiting his turn. "I think these will rank somewhere below Hays."

Another employee carried a 2006 World Series pennant protected by a plastic sheath. "When I get Izzy's signature on this, it's going to be worth lots -- at least as much as the plastic case."

Unreal didn't bother with an autograph, but we did join the queue for a shiny red aluminum can of Budweiser -- which evidently is too precious to drink. When asked if we could crack open ours right there, the A-B host responded in horror: "Why would you ever want to open it? It's a collectible."

Victory never tasted so bland.

-Unreal

-Unreal

In keeping with Unreal's resolve to post Stuff That People Send Us, here is the most recent dispatch from 1991 Bassmaster Classic champion Ken Cook, from whose prolific pen streams a column called "Underwater Tactics with Ken Cook."

Without further ado, the current installment:

TURNING COLD WEATHER INTO HOT FISHING
By Ken Cook

If it's not snow or freezing rain, it's bone-chilling air temperatures and icy winds that make a day on the water nearly insufferable. But just because you're uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that the bass are. Sure, it's December, it's cold outside and I'm sure you still have some holiday shopping to do, but bass are still in the lake. If they want to make it through the winter they will have to eat.

Who will be the 3,765th person to view the trailer for the long-awaited Beatle Bob biopic -- titled Superfan: The Lies, Life and Legend of Beatle Bob -- on the myspace page of the filmmakers, Arammana Productions?

Like Mojo Nixon says: That motherfucker is everywhere.

-Unreal

As anyone who's not been living in a sensory-deprivation tank is aware, former St. Louis Cardinals first baseman and steroid-I-mean-home-run king Mark McGwire looms among the new names on this year's Hall of Fame ballot.

While you ponder which way to wager on the McGwire-to-Cooperstown proposition (and, while you're at it, perhaps, a McGwire/Jose Canseco Bash Brothers parlay), you can peruse ESPN.com's whopping (for them, anyway) 3500-word piece on the reclusive sluggah here.

-Unreal

St. Louis Centre remains the zit on downtown's increasingly attractive face. Now the mayor's office is one vote away from popping that bugger, and Darlene Green, the comptroller, is worried city taxpayers will be left with a mess.

Tomorrow the Board of Estimate & Apportionment -- composed of Mayor Francis Slay, Board of Aldermen President Jim Shrewsbury and Comptroller Green -- will vote on a TIF-financed redevelopment plan for the mall and its accompanying office tower. The plan is different from most TIFs, in which developers are responsible for debts if their projects fail to generate enough tax revenues to cover project costs. In this case, Pyramid, the developer, is asking the city to back $14.5 million of the project's nearly $37 million price tag.

The mayor, as he indicated in a recent blog post, plans to vote in favor of the plan (which the Board of Aldermen approved last week). Green is staunchly opposed.

"It puts the city's general revenue fund at risk for payment," says John Farrell, the comptroller's spokesman. "And we're already paying more than a million dollars a year out of our general revenues to cover the debts of the only other TIF of this kind: the one for the St. Louis Marketplace [on Manchester Avenue].

"Plus, whether the project is successful or not, it will affect the city's credit rating. It's considered debt by credit agencies."

Shrewsbury is the swing vote. We'll let you know when he returns our call.

-Kristen Hinman

Quick, what's TV's most-often-aired show in St. Louis?

The thrice-daily servings of Matlock? The quadruple bill of Everybody Loves Raymond? The five broadcasts of King of the Hill? How about those ubiquitous reruns of Law & Order? Nope, nay, nosirree and not even close.

Would you believe that last Friday (December 8th), That '70s Show broadcast no fewer than ten times (twice on Channel 11 and eight times on FX)?

And the runner-up? A "real" show from the '70s, The Jeffersons, which moved on up seven times.

Why should I care? Because we're a nation of television addicts. If we're going to take in an average of 4 hours and 32 minutes in front of the tube, shouldn't we know what we're ingesting?

Also, I was curious: Did the recent Michael Richards flap have any impact on FOX2's twelve weekly airings of Seinfeld? The answer is no, says station manager Spencer Koch. So popular is the show, FOX2 recently re-upped its contract to carry Seinfeld for another five years.

I got to wondering:

Gadfly extraordinaire Tom Sullivan has never been one to shrink from a confrontation. Perhaps most famously, Sullivan, who toils by day at his small ad agency in Clayton, took on the Metropolitan Sewer District. After the years (and years) he spent pointing out waste and mismanagement within the agency, Sullivan must have felt some small measure of satisfaction when MSD's board of trustees submitted their resignations en masse just as the scandal finally broke in 2003. (See various RFT takes here, here and here) .

More recently, Sullivan has focused his critical lens on the Metro Transit Agency and MetroLink. (Suffice to say he's probably not been invited to Larry Salci's Christmas party.) In a related maneuver, he has recently begun e-mailing out annotated critiques of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch's coverage of transit issues.

Sullivan's commentaries make for such interesting reading that it seems a shame not to share them with a wider audience.

The first, sent out late last month, appears verbatim (save for minimal formatting tweaks) on the jump. Sullivan can be reached at tsullivan@sullivanadv.net.

-Tom Finkel