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Yeah, we've been, uh, up to other stuff during this holiday time. Here's a press release to tide you over till 2008:

From: HollyB@peta.org
Subject: PETA's Edgy New 'Sex Talk' Ad Hits the Airwaves in St. Louis
Date: December 31, 2007 3:27:20 PM CST

After being rejected by all TV network affiliates in St. Louis, PETA's new 'Sex Talk' ad will debut in St. Louis tomorrow on cable. We wanted to air this in Missouri because it's a top puppy mill state in the country. Full details are below, including a link to the commercial. Please let me know if have any interest in this. Best, Holly

For Immediate Release:

December 31, 2007

Contact:
Bruce Friedrich 757-622-7382, ext. 8342; BruceF@peta.org
Holly Beal 757-622-7382, ext. 8340; HollyB@peta.org

PETA'S EDGY NEW 'SEX TALK' AD HITS THE AIRWAVES IN ST. LOUIS
Group Takes Aim at Missouri's Cruel Puppy Mill Industry

St. Louis — Because an estimated 8 million dogs and cats end up at animal shelters each year—and up to 4 million of them must be put to death for a lack of good homes—PETA has launched a brand-new TV ad that will air in St. Louis and is sure to shake up any viewers who haven't spayed or neutered their cats or dogs. The 30-second ad features human parents who encourage their teenage daughter to become sexually active. When the horrified girl asks, "What if I get pregnant?" the parents urge her to "pop out all the kids you can" and say, "If it has a pulse, you should be wrapped around it!" The ad concludes, "Parents shouldn't act this way. Neither should people with dogs and cats. Always spay or neuter."

The ad—which was rejected by all St. Louis network affiliates—will air at night on Comedy Central January 1 to 3.

Why is PETA targeting St. Louis? Because Missouri has the dubious distinction of being one of the top puppy mill states in the country. Puppy mills compound the companion animal overpopulation crisis by breeding hundreds of thousands of dogs in deplorable conditions each year in order to supply pet stores with puppies. PETA's investigation of a Midwestern puppy mill found dogs with oozing eyes, raging ear infections, severe mange, and deformed and abscessed feet from standing on wire cage floors.

"PETA's new 'Sex Talk' commercial shows how ludicrous and dangerous it is when people don't take breeding seriously," says PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk. "The ad is shocking, and so is people's refusal to spay or neuter their companion animals when millions of deserving, wonderful cats and dogs are dying for a good home."

For more information and to view the ad, please visit PETA.org or click here.

-Unreal

Not totally satisfied with your weekend itinerary? Never fear, Go! is here! This regular feature highlights everything from rock shows to art openings, from delicious dishes to hidden-gem hangouts.

Friday, 12/28

Forget About Santa: Enough with Christmas -- Kwanzaa is in full swing. The seven-day holiday, which began Wednesday, December 26, is celebrated tonight at the Saint Louis Art Museum in Forest Park (314-721-0072). The free narrative, music and dance event runs from 7 to 9 p.m. and features refreshments for everyone and gift-making fun for the kids.

Kiss Me Goodbye: There’s something inexplicably irresistible about Shakespearean actors caught in the throes of love. Then again, maybe it’s just a slight infatuation with “Too Darn Hot” and the seventeen other foot-tapping Cole Porter tunes. Just get to the Loretto-Hilton Center (130 Edgar Road, Webster Groves; 314-968-4925) before 8 p.m. for the final performance of the Repertory Theatre of St. Louis’ Kiss Me, Kate. Tickets are $19.50 to $63. Check out RFT theater critic Dennis Brown’s review of the Cole Porter classic before you pucker up!

No Place Like Home: Even before glam rapper Mickey Avalon’s three-song performance at Home’s pre-party event on Thursday, December 20, some declared the two-room lounge/club in Ameristar Casino the new Cheetah. (And, for those youngsters who don’t remember the ill-fated Wash. Ave. spot, click here.) The “celeb”-studded grand-opening lollapalooza at Home (1260 South Main Street, St. Charles; 636-940-4333) cannot be missed, and Alison Sieloff tells you why.

Saturday, 12/29

Haunt It: If ghosts really do exist, the only likely chance apparition-seekers will have to openly peruse the paranormal of the art world (or what appears to be, anyway) is at the Duane Reed Gallery (7513 Forsyth Boulevard, Clayton; 314-862-2333) today. For the spirited details, turn to Anna Teekell.

Kwanzaa Part Deux: Another free, family Kwanzaa event happens from noon to 10 p.m. at the Delta Fortitude Foundation House (3858 Washington Avenue; 314-853-6855). The second-annual Kwanzaa Festival hosted by the Bakari Institute includes everything from a film festival to live musical performances and from poetry to storytelling.

Take a Stand: The Black Rep’s “I Stand Alone” series continues with My Life in Theatre: A Work in Progress at the Black Rep Monsanto Center for Performing Arts Education (1717 Olive Street, fourth floor). At 7 p.m., St. Louis native Anita Jackson shares her stories of Broadway’s bright lights through acting and music with accompaniment by Charles Creath. For tickets, which are $15, call 314-534-3810.

Fallout Fun: Yes, we’re nearing the end of 2007. However, it seems some industrial rockers believe it might be the end of, well, everything. Donning your best end-is-near gear (unintentional rhyme, we swear), flee from your residence to hide out at 2 Cents Plain (1114 Olive Street; 314-588-8400) around 7:30 p.m. The $6 all-ages, horror-inspired fundraiser features local music from Harsh Reality, Apocalypse Theatre, TraSh & SuiCide, among others. All proceeds raised will be donated to animal rescue centers. And if you wear the best apocalypse costume? You get a prize, of course!

Sunday, 12/30

Toy Soldiers: Show your kid that there was a time before pouting Bratz dolls and Jack Sparrow action figures at Playing with the Past: Military Toys. Paul Friswold shares more about this eye-opening event right here.

Where the Art Is: Gather together your loved ones for the Saint Louis Art Museum’s Family Sunday event from 1 to 4 p.m. This month, the dazzling silver of the exhibition Beyond the Maker’s Mark: Paul de Lamerie Silver in the Cahn Collection inspires the free art projects for kids, and touring the exhibit itself ($4 to $6, free for children younger than six) can help polish off the rest of your relaxing Sunday afternoon.

-Jeanette Kozlowski

Most of us who drive like to do so within the lines painted on the road. In fact, straddling the line is usually a sign that you are A) old B) yakking on your cell phone C) drunk.

Recently a Missouri Department of Transportation contractor that was in charge of restriping Interstate 44 created a new scenario, D) trying to figure out where the lanes are.

Make that where the fuck the lanes are. In the downpour that started as I was driving on I-44 Saturday night, it looked like there were some new dash-stripes, but they were a little dim. You could still see the old dash-stripes, as well as the right-hand stripe, which was only half-covered with new paving.

My rant aside, this $2.7 million restriping job, performed by Gaines Construction of Wentzville, is fairly important. Good ol’ I-44 is going to be carrying a lot more traffic after Highway 40 closes on January 2. By beefing up the pavement on the shoulders and restriping to create a fifth lane, MoDOT hopes that commute will be a little less hellish.

So, in the name of public service (wink, wink), I placed a call to MoDOT this morning. Community relations specialist Jack Wang explains that cold weather made it difficult to apply the road paint. He tells me that crews are out there, as we speak, touching up some areas.

As for grinding out the old paint, Wang says, they just didn’t get all of it.

And?

“It’s gonna just disappear on its own with traffic moving over it and dirt and all that.”

What about the accidents that result in the meantime?

Wang calls back a little later to say, “Some of those lanes have started to fade.”

Mm-hm.

And, Wang says, the crews will be back out there tomorrow. “They’re going to get to all of it.”

Six days, and counting.

-Kathleen McLaughlin

Not totally satisfied with your weekend itinerary? Never fear, Go! is here! This regular feature highlights everything from rock shows to art openings, from delicious dishes to hidden-gem hangouts.

Friday, 12/21

Gifts That Rock!: You stood in line for eight chilly hours and didn’t get your paws on a Wii -- but there’s still hope for a merry holiday. That is, if your kids dig rocks. Visit the Missouri Department of Natural Resources’ Division of Geology and Land Survey (111 Fairgrounds Road, Rolla; 800-361-4827), and discover four sets of educational trading cards about everything on earth -- from Ice Age animals to historic geologists. Include a book on Missouri’s geology or three as a stocking stuffer to score bonus points with your sediment-adoring loved ones!

Santa Overload: If you haven’t seen his rosy-red cheeks and bowl-full-of-jelly belly enough, there will be an array of Kris Kringles frolicking the chilly streets of St. Charles. From 6:30 to 9 p.m. (as well as on Saturday and Sunday), St. Charles’ Christmas Traditions brings holiday fanatics together for one last Christmas-spirit rally. Click here for more details, and say “ho” to the third power!

Take a Gamble: You’ve seen those eye-catching, sunshine-colored advertisements; hell, they are even on this very Web site. Yellow is a color that screams caution, but you can go ahead and throw that to the wind (along with a wad of money at the nearest poker table) because Lumiere Place Casino & Hotels (999 North Second Street; 314-450-5000) opened on Wednesday, December 19. With its very noticeable bright lights and Las Vegas-esque sex appeal, we bet this joint will be the talk of the town for many months to come. So, why not be among the first to partake of a pricey meal or down a stiff drink there and participate in the chatter?

Saturday, 12/22

Collective Souls: There are only two more days for you to scurry to Amass at Boots Contemporary Art Space (2307 Cherokee Street; 314-772-2668). The show is a gathering of experimental video works from national and international artists, and it strives “to provide a series of smaller encounters within one collective social experience.”  So basically, this means you’ll have to show up today anytime from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. or tomorrow from noon to 5 p.m. to truly understand what Amass is all about.

Elf Yourself: ’Twas the last day to see Mischievous Elf at the Black Cat Theatre (2810 Sutton Boulevard, Maplewood; 314-963-8800), and what did you do? You showed up at 1 p.m. with $10, and when handed a ticket, said: “Thank you.” You watched an original play, ate cookies off a tray, and by the end of the evening, wished you could attend a special holiday party every day!

A Carol Finale: Anita Rosamond has performed at Finale (8025 Bonhomme Avenue, Clayton; 314-863-8631) several times before, and tonight you can catch her last shows there before the restaurant and music venue closes its doors. The songstress and pianist will sing cheery tunes from her holiday album, This Is Christmas. Arrive early because tickets, priced at $16, will likely sell out before the first show at 7:30 p.m. She’ll perform again at 9:30 p.m.

Sunday, 12/23

Holy Festivus!: Today, the City Museum celebrates a holiday made famous by a television sitcom. James Weber shares information about the Festivus festivities (and a semi-official carol) right here.

Holiday Requirement: Just like snickering through Christmas Vacation each passing year, you can’t get around revisiting the ghosts in Charles Dickens’ Yuletide classic, A Christmas Carol. So check it off your to-do list at 2 p.m. when you see the play live, courtesy of the Hawthorne Players, at the Florissant Civic Center Theatre (Parker Road and Waterford Drive, Florissant; 314-921-5678). Tickets are $7 to $12 and can be ordered by phone or online.

Acts of Kindness: Actor/writer Bill Chott, best known for his work for Saturday Night Live and his role on The Ringer, wants this city’s best actors, musicians and comics to join him on stage at 7 p.m. for the Christmas Improv Jam. Get free admission to this fundraiser at Mad Art Gallery (2727 South 12th Street; 314-771-8230) by bringing a canned good. However, do note: Tickets will sell out before show time.

-Jeanette Kozlowski

Nothing says Christmas like a pair of plastinated camels from Kazakhstan -- the St. Louis Science Center’s gift to the region this year!

The mama and baby -- dromedaries, to be precise -- were unveiled last week at the science center’s Body Worlds 3 exhibit. We haven’t seen them yet, but we hear they are large and in charge. Chris Files, flack for the Oakland Avenue institution, fed our fancy with a few more details….

Unreal: Have other cities shown dromedaries as part of Body Worlds?

Chris Files: Yes. These camels have been other places. There’s also a horse in another locale, with a rider.

What’s a dromedary again?

It’s got one hump.

And how big are the camels?

I’m venturing to guess fourteen feet long. If you visit the exhibit, you’re not going to miss the camels.

What’s the reaction from PETA?

None so far. Stand by.

Tell us: Why camels? Why now?

It’s a pretty common strategy, if you will, in the exhibition business to install something new mid-run. It re-generates interest in an exhibit that has been open for a while. It gives people who’ve already been, a reason to come back, and people who haven’t been, a reason to come now. Why camels? Because when you’re already showing plastinated human bodies and organs, what are you going to show people that will surprise them or interest them enough to get them back to the exhibit? The answer is camels.

Not asses.

We already show those.

Is there any frankincense or myrrh in the camel display?

There is no frankincense or myrrh. We already had a reaction from the [St. Louis] archdiocese [back in August]. There’s no need to taunt.

Amen.

-Unreal

All this week Gut Check is celebrating the end of 2007 with the first annual Year-End Bonanza! I'm counting down my ten favorite dishes of the year -- and the absolute, no holds barred worst. We're revealing the nominees for the inaugural Gut Check Thing of the Year award. And of course there's plenty of the usual Gut Check goodness.

If you've never visited the RFT food blog -- or you haven't stopped by in a while -- now is the perfect time to get caught up.

-Ian Froeb

Thanks for the memories, Mr. Edmonds.

It's gonna be a l-o-n-g year.

Not totally satisfied with your weekend itinerary? Never fear, Go! is here! This regular feature highlights everything from rock shows to art openings, from delicious dishes to hidden-gem hangouts.

Friday, 12/14

No Junk in This Trunk: LA designer Rochelle Rodriguez’s pattern dresses and plunging necklines can be seen at celeb-studded boutiques like Kitson or at her trunk show this evening at 6 p.m. inside a cozy apartment (3849 Juniata Street) near Tower Grove Park. Pieces will be sold for 50 to 80 percent off retail.

Drink and Donate: A much more responsible combination of D&D takes place from 8 to 10 p.m. at rBar (4054 Chouteau Avenue; 314-480-2415). “Serving a Cause” shakes things up with three celebrity bartenders, which include Alive magazine’s Kelly Hamilton, STL TV (Channel 10)’s Gilberto Pinela and attorney Amie Needham of Thompson Coburn. Cash donations benefit Caring for Kids. Guests who bring a new, unwrapped toy for preschoolers to help out Shriners Hospitals for Children will be rewarded with a free vodka drink. Now, that’s some tasty reciprocity!

By Candlelight: If one single candle can emit endless glimmer and a warm glow that radiates throughout a room, what can 1,000 candles do? No, this isn’t a philosophical question. You can answer it tonight at the 25th annual Christmas Candlelight Walk in Augusta. Brooke Foster sheds some light on this event here.

Saturday, 12/15

The Gift of Glass: If you haven’t finished holiday shopping, today and tomorrow you can view or buy specialty hand-blown ornaments, jewelry, plates, bowls, vases and anything else one can mold into glass art, all made especially for what some call the most wonderful time of year. The sale happens from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Third Degree Glass Factory (5200 Delmar Boulevard; 314-367-4527).

Farm Welcome: Grant's Farm's Magic of the Holidays has something that stands out from every other Yuletide gathering. To find out what that something is, show up at the festivities, happening from 5 to 10 p.m. today, or click here for the very merry details.

First Is the Worst: It’s only fitting that the second show of the NonProphet Theater Company’s second theatrical season is entitled second. The story of six Manhattanites and one strange man on Christmas Eve has a bit of every theme thrown in -- comedy, drama, love and crime noir. Reserve a seat for the 8 p.m. show at the Ivory Theatre (7622 Michigan Avenue; 314-752-5075) for $15 (or $12 for students and seniors).

Sunday, 12/16

Constant Caroling: Cheery tunes from the radio to the mall to the grocery store have tracked you down all week, so why not give in and listen some more. The Saint Louis Symphony Orchestra performs Holiday Songbook at 2 p.m., and Alison Sieloff will tune you in with more information right here.

Brrr-lesque: It will take more than freezing weather to stop St. Louis’ burgeoning burlesque scene. At 8 p.m. (doors open at 5 p.m.), “Winter Wonderland” heats things up with more than just tasteful striptease -- acrobats, fire and an Elvis-impersonating clown are all on the bill. Tickets are $25 in advance and $30 at the door of the Atomic Cowboy (4140 Manchester Avenue; 314-775-0775), and your admission includes a Champagne toast, y’all.

-Jeanette Kozlowski

The full text of report former Senator George Mitchell released today is available for download here.

A list of current or former Cardinals whose names are mentioned:

Cody McKay
Ryan Franklin
Mark McGwire
Jason Christiansen
Fernando Vina
Gary Bennett
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Larry Bigbie
Kent Mercker

Former Cardinals assistant coach Dave McKay is quoted in the report as estimating that 30 percent of Major League Baseball players use steroids.

A "leaked" version that made the rounds earlier today turns out to have been bogus.

A quick scan of the report reveals that it names more than 50 major league players who allegedly took steroids and performance-enhancing drugs. In some cases, checks used for purchasing the drugs, which are signed by the players, are included as evidence.

The biggest revelation appears to be the section that details allegations against multiple Cy Young Award-winning pitcher (and seemingly surefire Hall of Famer) Roger Clemens.

Page 169 of the report details Clemens’ use of steroids, including how the pitcher learned from Jose Canseco how to “cycle” and “stack” the drugs, how he asked his source of steroids, Brian McKnamee (who later became a trainer for the New York Yankees) to inject him with Winstrol, a powerful anabolic steroid, while playing for the Blue Jays in 1998 and how he continued to use various steroids through 2007.

These names are taken from section VIII. B.: "Information Regarding Purchases or Use of Performance Enhancing Substances by Players in Major League Baseball" and Section IX. B."Alleged Internet Purchases of Performance Enhancing Substances By Players in Major League Baseball""

David Justice
Andy Pettitte
Miguel Tejada
Gary Sheffield
Chuck Knoblauch
Mo Vaughn
Denny Neagle
Kevin Brown
Eric Gagne
Matt Williams

The Deadspin.com blog has what appears to be a full list here.

Page 243 of the report breaks down the allegations against the Cardinals’ Rick Ankiel, including the New York Post’s claims that Ankiel purchased eight shipments of injectable HGH from an online pharmacy. The report quotes Ankiel admitting to reporters that he used HGH but maintaining all use was “always under a doctor’s care, a licensed physician.” It says the MLB commissioner's office met with Ankiel on September 11 to discuss his drug use and on December concluded “that there was insufficient evidence of a violation of the joint program in effect at the time of the
conduct in question to warrant discipline of Ankiel.”

-Keegan Hamilton

[Update: December 13, 2007 1:10 p.m.]: The "leaked" Mitchell list is plenty bogus as far as Cardinals players are concerned. No Pujols. No Kile. No Tavarez. No Tatis. No Nunez.

Cardinals who are on the list:

Cody McKay
Ryan Franklin
Mark McGwire
Jason Christiansen
Fernando Vina
Gary Bennett
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Larry Bigbie
Kent Mercker

Former Cardinals assistant coach Dave McKay is quoted in the report as estimating that 30 percent of Major League Baseball players use steroids. [end update]

The Mitchell Report, an investigation on steroids in Major League Baseball commissioned by the league and conducted by Senator George Mitchell, will be officially released today 1 p.m. Central time. The report is expected to name 60 to 80 players who were found to have used performance-enhancing drugs in the past decade. Several news outlets have been referencing a leaked version of the report, which includes a list of players named.

One of the names that appears in the leaked version is that of Cardinals superstar Albert Pujols. Major League Baseball officials have disputed the accuracy of the list.

Other current or former Cardinals included: Rick Ankiel, Ryan Franklin, Darryl Kile, Mark McGwire, Abraham Nunez, Fernando Tatis and Julian Tavarez.

-Keegan Hamilton

OK, normally Unreal doesn't get all verklempt about stuff, but...

Wehrenberg Theatres on the auction block? Say it ain't so!

-Unreal

Music legend Ike Turner died today at the age of 76. For more coverage -- including an obituary and a post discussing his controversial life (and its impact on his legacy) -- please see our music blog, A to Z.

-- Annie Zaleski

As might be expected, Timothy Krajcir, who authorities announced earlier this week has confessed to nine cold-case killings in Missouri, Illinois and one other jurisdiction, did not have a good childhood.

“His lack of stability was accentuated by a mother who he describes as cold and unaffectionate,” states a 1983 psychological profile (click on image at right to download) that was submitted to a Pennsylvania court by Dr. Paul Gross and obtained by the Southeast Missourian in Cape Girardeau. “In therapy, he was told that he hates his mother and does remember that, during the mid-sixties, he did feel much hatred for her.”

On Monday Krajcir, who has been in and out of prison since 1963 and has been continuously incarcerated since 1983 because of his history of sexual deviance, pleaded guilty in Jackson County Court in Murphysboro, Illinois, to the 1982 slaying of Deborah Sheppard, who at the time was a student at Southern Illinois University Carbondale. He was sentenced to 40 years in prison.

Hours later law enforcement officials announced that Krajcir had also confessed to a string of murders that terrorized the city of Cape Girardeau in 1977 and 1982, as well as three slayings in another jurisdiction.

Among his victims in Cape Girardeau: Mary Parsh and her daughter Brenda Parsh, Sheila Cole, Margie Call and Mildred Wallace. Although Cape Girardeau Police Chief Carl Kinnison said that Krajcir had also confessed to three slayings in another jurisdiction, he declined to elaborate.

Gross submitted the psychological portrait of Krajcir after the inmate was charged with breaking into a house in an attempted rape. According to documents filed in Pennsylvania court, the attempted rape was thwarted when the victims called the police. According to court documents, Krajcir then threatened the victims and masturbated in front of them.

Gross’ letter then goes on to detail Krajcir’s “long history of sexual deviancy,” stating that Krajcir, raised by his mother, “became shy and introverted during his adolescence and remembers...fondling women in public and wearing feminine clothing.”

According to Gross’ letter, Krajcir spent thirteen years in an Illinois prison on a 1963 rape sentence. Gross states that during the rape, Krajcir “did stab his victim.” In 1979 -- two years after he’d killed three of his victims in Cape Girardeau -- he was found guilty in Illinois of raping a thirteen-year-old girl.

Though Krajcir was deemed a “sexually dangerous person” and could legally have remained incarcerated until he convinced authorities that he’d been rehabilitated, he was paroled two years later in 1981.

Once paroled -- and presumably after killing and raping Margie Call and Mildred Wallace in 1982 -- Krajcir transferred his parole to Pennsylvania, where an attempted rape led to Gross’ psychological evaluation.

Gross, who at the time did not know the extent of Krajcir’s crimes, noted that he was a “cold, detached man” who “feels ‘no remorse’ for what he has done.”

“He somehow tries to justify his behavior on his past childhood experiences and once was told by a therapist that he is action out his anger towards his mother on other women,” wrote Gross. “His rapes have been proceeded [sic] by intense fantasies of sexual abuse and rape on women.”

Gross closes by stating, “Other than his sexual deviancies, Mr. Krajcir shows no evidence of any psychiatric illness.”

Once he was released from prison in Pennsylvania, Krajcir was transferred back to Illinois in 1988 on a parole violation and has been held there ever since as a “sexually dangerous person.”

The cold cases first broke when when Lt. Paul Echols of the Carbondale Police Department submitted DNA evidence from the Sheppard crime scene that matched Krajcir.

Noticing the similar time frame between the Sheppard murder and the Missouri killings, Cape Girardeau detective Jimmy Smith contacted Echols about a possible link between Krajcir and the cold cases in Cape Girardeau.

In exchange for Krajcir’s confession, Cape Girardeau prosecuor Morley Swingle agreed to forgo seeking the death penalty. Krajcir now faces multiple life sentences.

[Update December 13, 12:00 p.m.]: Editor's note: As originally posted, this item failed to credit the Southeast Missourian as the source of Dr. Gross' letter. Clicking on the thumbnail of the letter will download the document from the Southeast Missourian's site.

-Malcolm Gay

The trial of Lewis Greenberg ended last night with defense arguing that Ballwin city officials failed to prove that Greenberg’s installation The Holocaust Revisited might pose dangers to residents. City prosecutors, meanwhile, concluded that the piece was not art and thereby not protected by the First Amendment.

Judge Kathryn Koch announced that she would hand down her judgment within the next ten days. “Just in time for Christmas,” sighed David Howard, Greenberg’s lawyer.

The trial began two weeks ago in a Ballwin municipal courtroom, but was suspended so Koch could visit Greenberg’s home in the Whispering Oakwood subdivision and view The Holocaust Revisited for herself.

The lone witness for the prosecution, Ballwin police officer Dan Hawk, claimed that the pointed sticks, mosaic tiles and bits of plastic that comprise the piece were in violation of Ballwin city codes and, furthermore, potentially dangerous to emergency personnel who might need access to Greenberg’s yard.

Hawk also said that the brightly-colored pieces – including Greenberg’s patio furniture – were attractive to children too young to read the “Keep Out” signs Greenberg had posted on his property, and that they could be harmed.

Greenberg says that 100 trick-or-treaters visited his house on Halloween – drawn more by curiosity than by chocolate – and none were hurt.

“There are plenty of dangerous objects in Ballwin yards,” Howard said in his closing statement. “Ballwin allows Christian-based displays. This is content-based discrimination.”

Greenberg protested audibly when Ballwin prosecutor Richard Fox referred to his work as “litter.” “These people are culturally-deprived,” he fumed. “We do not need an expert opinion to say this is art. We do not need Picasso – even if he were alive. They need to look up the definition of ‘art’.”

Though Koch gave no indication of what her ruling might be, Greenberg believes she’s already made up her mind. “It’s evident,” he said. “I looked into her eyes and listened closely. They’re going to rule against me.”

-Aimee Levitt