Duh.

Yeah, so it's a crappy Photoshop job. Unreal hasn't got time for your petty slights. Move along, now.

You know him, you love him, but now it's time to start thinking of a nickname for him. Yes, we're referring to up-and-comin', goggles-sportin' Cardinals reliever Jason Motte.


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In our continuing effort to bestow creative and fitting nicknames upon our beloved St. Louis Cardinals, we come to...

...Dennys Reyes.

shgmom56 (via Flickr)

After the jump, help choose a nickname for Dennys Reyes!
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Was there ever any doubt?

"Funky Cold Molina" it is. 58% of you favored the winner, with "Gasolina" pulling down a respectable 22% and "Brolina" clocking in at 11%.




We'll post a Dennys Reyes poll first thing Monday!

Unreal lost track of time and forgot to solicit nominations for our next nicknamee. No matter; here we go.

We'll close polling soon on a nickname for Yadier Molina...

...but we can't wait to stir the pot for our next nicknamee, Dennys Reyes. And yes, "Denny's" is the early frontrunner. But that doesn't mean you can't nominate something else.

Meantime, be sure to vote in the Molina poll.

Well, this one was over before it began, really. It was no contest

Joe Mather is hereby christened "Joey Bombs"! That moniker led the way with 64% of the vote;  Unreal's secretly hoped-for choice, "Spud," finished an almost-respectable second, garnering 21%.

We liked Spud because it sounds old-school and is a nod to Joseph T. Mather's Joey Bombs' home state, Idaho. (Admit it: "Spud Mather" trips off the tongue like nobody's business.)

But from here on in, it's Joey Bombs. At least it will be when if he makes it back to the big club. After a painfully subpar spring training, JB was exiled to Memphis, where he's, well, let's just go with the less said, the better.

No, "Yadi" is not a nickname. It's what grammarians would call a "for-short." At least that's what grammarians would call it if grammarians were fourth graders. Unreal has no idea what more-seasoned grammarians would call it.

Regardless, the Wheel of Nickname Fortune has spun 'round to Yadier Molina, and it ain't gonna spin again till the Redbirds backstop's got a suitable nickname.

After the jump, name that Molina...


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While you're cogitatin' on a nickname for Joe Mather ...


... you might want to toss a name into the hat for our next Cardinal up for naming, Yadier Molina. Someone already nominated Funky Cold Molina, which, let's face it, is pretty good even if it's a tad dated.

Don't forget to vote in the Mather poll, and if you want to leave a suggestion to be included in the Molina go-round, leave it in the Comments thread below. We'll open the voting for Molina on Wednesday and christen Mather the following day.

It's official -- and by a landslide. Rick Ankiel is hereby christened "Swingin' Dick"!

A whopping 63% of respondents favored the "Swingin' Dick" handle for the Cardinals' slugging outfielder. Coming in a distant second: "Ammerin Ank," with 20% percent of the vote.

And remember: It's not too late to cast your ballot for this week's nickname poster boy, Joe Mather. Think of it this way: If we come up with a really fine nickname for him, maybe it'll hasten his return to the majors. (Recapturing his stroke wouldn't hurt.)

Baseball nicknames. They don't make 'em like they useta. So Unreal has set out to assign a nickname to every Cardinal on this season's roster.

We got started last week with Rick Ankiel. Now it's Joe Mather's turn.

After the jump, Joe Mather...

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