Two weeks ago, after the Rams beat the Detroit Lions for their first victory in over a year, I played the role of buzzkill, trying to explain why it wasn't all that encouraging the Rams won. Sure, it was nice to finally erase that big ugly zero from the win column, but there wasn't really anything in the game which made me think the Rams were really starting to turn it around. The Lions are one of the worst teams in football; the Rams are essentially their peers. Of course the Rams should be able to beat a team that bad at times. Play a real team, look good, and get back to me was the message.
This, though, this was.. something else entirely.
On Sunday, the Rams took on one of the best teams in all of football, the New Orleans Saints, who look like the reincarnation of the Greatest Show on Turf most weeks, and guess what? They gave the Saints everything they could handle and had a chance to win the game on the final drive.
Maybe this thing really is headed in the right direction.
Now let me tell you why I'm not excited about it, and why you shouldn't be either.
Steven Jackson runs for a 17 yard gain against a werewolf.
Okay, wait. You know what? That's too quick. I should probably take a second to properly celebrate this victory. After all, whether it was pretty or not, a good game or not, or even watchable football or not, the Rams are not going to go 0-16 this year. That is pretty awesome.
Steven Jackson is the fucking man. That's really all there is to it. He's a goddamned beast. If he were a Marvel character, he would be Juggernaut. If he were a DC character, he'd probably be Doomsday. If he were a creature in Dungeons and Dragons, he would be the Tarrasque.
That's right, folks. You just read the single nerdiest reference ever made in a sports column. It followed two other painfully nerdy references, and immediately made them completely obsolete with its off-the-charts geek resonance. I'm proud of myself.
So three cheers for Steven Jackson and the Rams. They finally won a game.
There. Now that that's out of the way, on to the downer portion of today's column.
It wasn't pretty (only this team could turn an interception into a safety) but the Rams finally came through when it counted. Steven Jackson finally broke the touchdown jinx that hounded him all season when it counted most. Heck, even Chris Long finally managed to get a sack. Finally!
Who cares if only two percent of the country got the broadcast (really, it was lucky for them) or that the contest was being billed by Bill Simmons as "The Pooper Bowl" "The Craptastic Classic" or, my personal favorite, the "Orange You Glad You Don't Root For These Teams Bowl."
As the saying goes: a win is a win is a win. The helpless baby panda has made it up the stairs.
What could possibly be intriguing about the St. Louis Rams vs. Detroit Lions match-up on Sunday -- the game that pits the two worst NFL teams in recent memory against each other?
http://www.detroitlions.com/
This pre-grame graphic on the Detroit Lions web site seems to promise helmet-smashing football in outer space.
The pitiful squads have more in common than just losses it seems. Here are ten commonalities the pathetic squads share.
10. They both play in a dome. Sure, it's a simple and
obvious choice, but one that plays to the strengths (or lack there of)
for both teams. There is no environment change to use as an excuse for
the Rams to blow it in the end.
9. Two Defensive-Minded Head Coaches in First Year. Both
teams sought to rebuild their respective franchises with
defensive-minded head coaches from good coaching pedigree. Steve
Spagnuolo was hired by the Rams after two years as Defensive
Coordinator to Giants and is a disciple of the Jim Johnson assistant
tree. Detroit's Jim Schwartz was named Lions head coach after five
years at Tennessee under Jim Fischer and he stems from the Bill
Belichick coaching tree. Both coaches are from the New England area as
well.
When he was Rams head coach, Scott Linehan got excited over very little.
8. Scott Linehan. The
guy St. Louis just got rid of and couldn't hack it as head coach for
the Rams is now the Offensive Coordinator for Detroit. Welcome back.
Let's face it, folks; it's tough being a St. Louis Rams fan these days. Sure, they took the Jacksonville Jaguars into overtime yesterday before losing, but the Jags aren't exactly the '85 Bears or anything. They're 0-6, the offense is just flat-out awful, the defense is routinely getting beaten up because they're on the field 40 minutes a game, and there really isn't a whole lot of hope on the horizon.
It's going to be a long, ugly season here in Rams country, make no mistake.
On the other hand, there is a disaster going on right now in the nation's capital that makes our own team look not only functional, but downright admirable. I speak, of course, of the Washington Redskins and their coaching dilemma.
Torry Holt did everything but cry when the Jags beat his Rams on Sunday
Finally: a real football game from the Rams. The offense moved the ball, the defense came up big (Leonard Little leaping into the end zone like superman? More of that please), and St. Louis was a coin flip away from its first win in 16 games.
The story of this match-up, though, was not a near end to the Rams ineptitude. No, it was Rams legend Torry Holt torching his former team for 101 receiving yards and loving every minute of it.
In the era of free agency it's not usually a big deal when a player matches up against his old squad. Unless, of course, that player happens to be a future Hall-of-Famer who played his entire career in one place before switching to another franchise. Then, when said player tries extra hard to stick it to his old team's front office (and maybe hurts the feelings of a few thousand fans along the way)...
Click the image to watch the video over at InsideSTL.
InsideSTL continues its pretty amusing series of St. Louis Rams' game recaps -- the "Ghetto Rams Recap" -- if you haven't checked it, go here for the funny.
As miserable as the past seven days have been in the St. Louis sporting world, local fans can take solace in the fact that it could be a hell of a lot worse.
Take Seattle and their unfathomably depressing 2008: the Mariners lost 101 games, the Seahawks went 4-12, the once-proud University of Washington (this writer's alma mater) football program didn't win a single game, and the Sonics -- the city's only franchise to win a championship (not counting the WNBA, of course) -- moved to Oklahoma.
Not even Cleveland suffers like that.
So yeah, Matt Holiday served up a stomach punch, Mizzou choked away its chance to win the Big 12 North, and the Rams continued to be the Rams. But St. Louis still has ten world series championships and Albert Pujols. The Blues look pretty decent. It may be raining a lot lately, but there's still a long way to go before Seattle feels sorry for you.
All that said, the Rams were in rare form yesterday against the Vikings. So much so that they deserve a comparison to the lowliest of Pacific Northwest sports entities: The Washington State Cougars.
Just four miserable weeks into the season, and what's left to say about the 2009 St. Louis Rams? They are the worst football team in the NFL, and perhaps one of the worst teams of all-time.
That about sums it up.
But while Post-Dispatch columnist Bryan Burwell makes a convincing argument that the penalty-plagued, heartless performance of tackle Alex Barron against the 49ers yesterday best symbolizes this disaster of a franchise, the Internet offers a much more fitting parallel.
Behold:
What does an adorable but feckless baby panda have to do with the Rams? A helluva lot, actually.
It's the fantasy potential of the 2009 Rams offense.
After yet another sullen Sunday afternoon all but the most hardcore Rams fans have resigned themselves to the fact that 2009 is destined to be an epic failure almost on par with the 2008 disaster. After the latest morale-crushing defeat, this one at the hands of the Green Bay Packers, it's obvious that the players still make the same boneheaded mistakes, the quarterback (be it Marc Bulger or Kyle Boller) still fails to find open receivers or throw the ball away under pressure, and the head coach still hasn't found a way to overcome his talent-deficient roster.
But don't despair Rams fans, there is a teeny-tiny solitary speck of consolation to be had-- especially for those of you who are fantasy football-inclined.
The solace comes in the form of the Rams offense. Sorry, Steven Jackson owners, we don't mean that in a good way. The Rams are almost guaranteed to give up 10+ fantasy points to the opposing defense. For those not blessed to own one of the top fantasy defenses (Philly, New York Giants, and Denver) or dealing with a bye week, picking up the D of whichever team the Rams face is a winning strategy.
Take yesterday, the Packers entered the game ranked a respectable 79th overall with a total of 25 fantasy points scored. Thanks to early fumbles and an interception, they racked up 10 points a number that easily have been higher had they been able to put one of the Rams red zone turnovers into the end zone.
-- Alright, first off, I'm just going to admit it: I was very impressed with the Rams' defense yesterday. They held a Washington Redskins offense that boasts an impressive array of weapons to just three field goals, no mean feat. I give Steve Spagnuolo and Ken Flajole all the credit in the world for an excellent game plan, and the players on the defensive side the same for executing said game plan.
In fact, to be honest, I found myself getting rather excited about what this team might be in the future watching the Rams stymie the 'Skins in the red zone. Time and time again as Washington drove down into scoring range, the Rams' defense stiffened up and got the stop. They stopped the run, they stopped the pass, they stopped pretty much everything the Redskins threw at them when their backs were against the wall.
I'll say it right now: if the defense we saw from the Rams yesterday was the real thing, and not just offensive ineptitude on the part of Washington (and I don't think it was, but it's tough to say this early in the season), then this thing may just turn around quicker than I thought. There are still miles and miles to go before this is anything resembling even a decent NFL team, but a defense of the sort the Rams showed yesterday will keep a team in plenty of games while they try to fix the rest of the mess.
When former Rams head coach Scott Linehan made Donnie Avery the first wideout taken in the 2008 NFL draft -- ahead of the likes of DeSean Jackson, Eddie Royal, and Malcolm Kelly -- most everyone assumed it was just another addition to the lengthy list of Linehan blunders. Sure, the Rams needed to reload and replace aging legends Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce, but was a relative unknown out of the University of Houston who only made a name for himself after an impressive 4.2 40-yard dash time in the combine really the answer?
Surprisingly, halfway through the miserable 2008 season, it looked like Avery might in fact be the future. He was one of the lone bright spots -- briefly earning acclaim on this blog as a sleeper fantasy football acquisition for those desperate for a third option at receiver, and a reputation as a man who could cut a rug after he capped off touchdown catches by doing the robot.
Incognito quotes "The Goonies": Heeeyyy you guys..."
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, the Rams suck. Again.
New head coach Steve Spagnuolo may have said all the right things during the off-season, but it was still the same sucky players on the field making the same mistakes -- and getting trounced by Seattle 28-0 in Week 1.
Mark Bulger looked more terrified than an abused puppy against the Seahawks pass rush, the special teams unit couldn't count to 12 (and their poor math resulted in a crushing 14-point swing in favor of the opposition after a blocked field goal), and the defense had more holes than an Afghan mine field.
But by far the worst offender was Richie Incognito. The burly blonde lineman was single-handedly responsible for 35 yards worth of penalties, including two drive-killing unnecessary roughness flags for fighting after the whistle. He also missed a block that allowed one of the three 'Hawks sacks. And when he was yanked from the line-up at start of the second half he jawed at the coach over the decision.
Since this type of play and behavior is pretty much par for the course for number 68, one has to wonder if there's a legitimate excuse for his antics. While Incognito and Spagnuolo (who said the guard would retain his starting role) prefer to fall back on the tried and true lines that he's just "passionate," "intense" and suffering "first-game jitters," the only viable explanation seems to be that Incognito is a few fries short of a happy meal.
See, it's both a snarky way of making fun of the Rams' ineptitude and a way to remind us of better days. Nice, huh?
Well, hopefully this (and by this, of course, I mean the unceremonious 28-0 ass kicking we all witnessed yesterday), will put to an end all that hopeful speculation people come up with regarding the Rams being this year's version of the Dolphins or Falcons or Ravens; i.e. teams who turned their fortunes around in only a single short year. Those teams were all terrible the year before their renaissance, yes, but for the most part they also had a solid talent base to work from. Baltimore was still running Ed Reed and Ray Lewis out there on defense even during their down years, and a defense of that caliber means you're never entirely out of the running. The Falcons were much the same, with plenty of really good players ready to step up; a big part of the Atlanta turnaround was simply getting through the Michael Vick crisis intact. The Dolphins may represent the only team who was even close to being as far down as the Rams are, but even they had a few really dynamic players ready to bust out and an innovative offensive system to trot out on Sundays.
Not so this Rams team. Don't get me wrong; I happen to think Steven Jackson is one of the top running backs in all of football and I really like the wide receiver corps. But when your defense hands you three takeaways and you still get shut out, things have a way of looking rather bleak. The fact is this year's edition of the St. Louis Rams is going to look a whole lot like the last couple years, and I don't think it's going to be very pretty.
Sigh. Rams' training camp is just now getting into full swing, and I'm already having to talk myself off the ledge. The reason? The injuries have begun.
Coming into the season, Donnie Avery was supposed to be the Rams' number one receiver. That alone is reason for concern, not because Avery isn't a good receiver (he is, and I think he's going to be really, really good down the road), but because Avery is only in his second season in the NFL. He's got the hands, and he's certainly got the wheels, but a second-year player is still a bit of a question mark.
Now it looks like Avery may not be ready for the start of the season after suffering a foot injury; he's out four to six weeks, which would put his return right around the start of the season at the earliest. Even if he can play at the beginning of the year, I can't imagine he'll be at full speed.
The sad, sad tale of Dirk Nowitzki'srelationship trouble just keeps getting worse.
It isn't bad enough that the German-born basketball player's girlfriend, one Cristal Taylor (original name Crystal Taylor), was recently revealed as a longtime scam artist. Nor is it enough that despite Nowitzki being one of the most private professional athletes in the world, his personal business is now splashed across tabloids everywhere. Hell, even the speculation that this woman may actually be carrying the NBA star's child isn't the worst of this whole sordid tale.
No, the worst thing is this: Dirk was indulging in Tony Banks' sloppy seconds.
Man, really puts things in perspective, doesn't it?
Newly minted Rams' backup quarterback Kyle Boller likes the ladies. And by ladies, I mean the beer cart girls at the local muny.
Busted Coverage has some pics from theHappy Gilmore Open in Tempe, AZ (and how bad does it hurt that Boller wasn't even listed amongst the attending celebrities by the local rag?), of Boller, Barry Sanders, and Seth Joyner cavorting with the lovelies driving the beer cart.
A couple of thoughts:
-- Barry Sanders is really, really short. I mean, I knew he was a small guy, but I had no idea he was that short. No wonder the dude was so tough to tackle.
-- There was mention of Alice Cooper being in attendance; I'm more than a little disappointed that the girls didn't get any photos of him. The man is a metal legend, and you choose to sidle up to A.J. Fucking Feeley (and yes, that is his real middle name), instead?! Lame, beer girls. Lame.
--These girls should be really proud; they're now exactly as famous as Kyle Boller is. Pretty sweet, eh?
My online petition last year to toss Jim Hanifan from the broadcast booth only garnered two signatures. Apparently, though, that was enough for WXOS (101.1 FM) to agree to get rid of Hanifan this season when the station takes over Rams radio broadcasts from KLOU (103.3 FM).
Post-Dispatch sports-media scribe Dan Ceaser reports today that former Rams player D'Marco Farr will take over Hanifan's color commentary role in the broadcast booth. Farr has served as the third member of the radio crew for three seasons and will work this year with play-by-play announcer Steve Savard. Hanifan will now work pre- and post-game shows for Rams radio.
I trust Ceaser was using a bit of hyperbole when he called Hanifan "the most animated man broadcasting a team in this market since the days of Harry Caray."
Truth be told, Hanifan was embarrassingly bad and Ceaser's column today captures some of those low-lights, including Hanifan's on-air expletives, "gee-whiz" tirades, and the time he literally pulled a hamstring in the broadcast booth.
The injury occurred after Hanifan correctly predicted a fumble and jumped up to shout: "I told you! I told you!" Moments later Hanifan changed his tune, grabbing his hamstring to inform the listening audience: "I'm cramping up! I'm cramping up!"
On second thought, perhaps the 2-14 Rams should keep Hanny in the booth. He at least provided listeners with some form of entertainment.
It's been over a week now since the NFL draft, specifically since the Rams' draft. I suppose you're wondering at this point, is this guy just really lazy, or a little slow on the uptake? Well, I freely admit to being both of those things, but I also have a reason for writing my draft grades this long after the draft.
The St. Louis SLAM, the city's all-female football team playing in the Women's Football Association, destroyed the Kansas City Storm in their first game of the season last night 77-0.
The victory already puts them halfway toward what has to be a team goal of outpacing the number of wins last season by that other football team from St. Louis.
And speaking of the Rams, I know they're supposedly keen on taking a college running back in this weekend's draft, but they might do well to take scrounge some bargain talent from the SLAM's roster. Judging from the stats from the first game, there's a lot to choose from:
The SLAM defense was led by veteran linebacker, Kelly Kozlen (11 tackles, fumble recovery), and defensive end Liz Williams (11 tackles, 1.5 sacks, forced fumble). Rookie defensive end, Tayona Smith, stepped up big in her first game with 10 tackles, 1 sack, a forced fumble, and a fumble recovery.
On the offensive end, quarterback Liz Lacy connected for TDs with veteran receivers Gail Graff and Katie Ode, as well as rookie WR Kate Evers. Evers scored her second TD of the game on a 54-yard run in the first quarter. The leading rusher for the SLAM in 2008, Pat Riggins, led the ground attack with 70 yards rushing on 5 carries and one TD.
With a name like that, Pat Riggins totally sounds like the Rams RB of the future. Seriously, who would notice that she's a she? Her hair can't be longer than Steven Jackson's.
I was starting to get nervous there for a little while, but the Rams did what needed to be done in the end and got their man.
flickr.com/photos/matneym
Welcome to the team, James.
James Butler, strong safety, recently of the New York Giants, is now a Ram, and I couldn't be happier. (Well, technically, I suppose I could, but it would likely require things to happen that the Rams just aren't in control of. Although, if they were willing to loan me a member of their cheerleading squad for a while...)
Anyhow, enough of that. This is another outstanding move by the Rams' front office, who are quickly beginning to look like they might actually know what they're doing. In addition to being a very, very solid player, Butler specifically brings with him a level of familiarity with Steve Spagnuolo and his defense that should prove very helpful.
St. Louis' favorite Jesus-drawing quarterbackKurt Warner has re-signed with the Arizona Cardinals, after taking a trip to San Francisco Monday to meet with team officials about signing a deal there.
Warner signed a two-year $23 million contract with Arizona (who used to play here), reports the Associated Press. He apparently was offered more more money in SF.
So what has Warner's Super Bowl opponent been up to? Well, hanging out in Vegas with kneeling blondes. More after the jump.
You know, if you had told me just a couple of years ago that signing Ron Bartell was going to be of paramount importance for the Rams to have any chance of being competitive, I probably would have laughed in your face.
I gotta tell you, I think that the NFL draft may be my favorite thing about the NFL. Seems a little weird, I know; one would think that I might prefer, oh, you know, actual games and things like that, but nope. I love the draft in just about every sport, but the NFL draft is the granddaddy of them all. It's like Christmas.
Right now, the NFL combine is going on, and players are being judged on pretty much everything but how well they actually play football. They're being measured, and timed, and taking some sort of IQ test, and running around in shorts. What that tells any of us about what kind of football player they are is up for debate, but it's still an awfully exciting time, one of the really big signposts on the way to the draft.
With all of that in mind, I wanted to start taking a look at what we may see the Rams do on draft day. They'll have the second overall pick for the second year in a row, and there are plenty of holes that need to be addressed.
It looks like the Rams are finally going to do something about the Edward Jones Dome. And it's well past time.
As part of the attempt to turn around the fortunes of a fading franchise, Chip Rosenbloom and the rest of the Rams' ownership group announced they are beginning a $30 million renovation project of the Ed.
Of course, whether or not this will be enough to get the dome up to even passable standards is tough to say, given the current awfulness of the atmosphere down at Convention Plaza.
The coaching staff under new Rams Head Coach Steve Spagnuolo staff is almost assembled, as the Rams announced yet another wave of hires on Monday.
I'll be honest with you; I don't really know much of anything about any of those guys. I am happy to see the new coaching staff take shape relatively quickly, as that will hopefully allow the staff and the front office to start focusing on the draft sooner rather than later.
Teams like Kansas City and Oakland, both of whom are just now beginning to sort out their own coaching vacancies, are going to find themselves shortly falling behind, methinks. Like I said, though, I don't really know any of these guys, so apart from applauding the quickness of the decisions, I really can't make any other sort of educated judgment.
There is, however, one name amongst this newest group of hires that stands out to me, and that name is Matt House.
No, no, don't feel bad. I don't know who
Matt House is either. Never heard of the guy. So why, I can hear you
asking your computer screen, is Matt House the one name that really
stands out to me of this group? Because of his new job title.
Matt House is the new defensive quality-control coach for the Rams.
Okay, one quick question.
What in the hell is a defensive quality-control coach?
Well, the Rams' 2008 campaign has finally, mercifully, come to an end. And you know what's just a little bit sad about that fact?
They actually started to look a little bit like a real team there toward the end.
Yes, they lost to the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday afternoon. But guess what? The Falcons are good. They've got a dynamic young quarterback in Matt Ryan, one of the best tandems of running backs in the National Football League. and a defense that has been fairly stout for most of the season.
(photo: stlouisrams.com)
Against all of that, the Rams lost 31-27. Did it suck? Yes, it did. Losing almost always does. But to lose by only four points, against a team that still had an outside shot at winning its division, on the road, when the game meant absolutely nothing to the Rams, was more than just a little bit impressive.
At some point in time, I honestly have to wonder if the Rams are throwing these games.
Not completely just going in the tank, mind you; obviously, I think there's a real component of true ineptitude here. Yes, I realize that is a pretty serious understatement, and that this group largely looks like a weekend rec center flag football team playing against real NFL competition most weekends, but hear me out.
In case you missed it, here's Rams running back Kenneth Darby crumpling like a schoolyard runt under the wall-like stature of the... referee. During Sunday's game against the San Francisco 49ers:
Sadly for loyal fans, the game was blacked-out on local TV because it wasn't a sell-out, which is why you likely didn't see Marc Bulger throw an interception in the final minute of the game.
The Rams now find themselves in the longest losing streak over the course of the team's history here in St. Louis, at nine losses.
Some changes are ahead though -- Jay Zygmunt, the Rams' president of football operations-general manager, is supposed to resign today, according to sources who leaked the info to the Post-Dispatch.
So there I was yesterday, typing happily away as the Rams' fourth quarter wound down. I had most of a column done, and I felt pretty damn good about it.
I had a column nearly ready to go about how the Rams had just barely held on to beat the Seahawks, despite not putting the Seattle team away when they had the chance.
There were plenty of things to really, really like in this game, I had written, despite the score being much closer than it should have been. A couple of turnovers in the first half had taken points off the scoreboard for the Rams, and even put some on for the Seahawks, but the defense was outstanding, Steven Jackson had looked great for the first forty minutes or so, Mark Bulger and Torry Holt had connected a couple of times, and the Rams just looked sharp in general.
Was it a perfect game? No, it most certainly was not. However, for a St. Louis Rams team that has been just stunningly awful for quite a bit of this season, it was damn near a masterpiece. I may not have had a picture, due to the NFL's ridiculously antiquated blackout rules, but I made up for it with the vividness of my mind's eye.
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