I'm not taking any responsibility for this post (hell, I'm not even going to edit out the grammatical errors), but this e-mail has caught on like wildfire today.

BRUSSELS -- Anheuser-Busch has accepted a $52 billion takeover bid from Belgium-based InBev NV to create the world's largest beer maker and end a month-long standoff. While pitching the deal in recent weeks, InBev chief executive Carlos Brito has said that he is "committed to the city of St. Louis" and that changes here would be minimal. One that Brito said will show up shortly after this weeks Major League Baseball All-Star event in New York will be a minor one in the long standing uniforms worn by the St. Louis Cardinal Baseball team. First-baseman Albert Pujols, one of the first to try the new outfits said "while it may take a little time for Cardinal fans to fall in line behind the change, I personally like them a lot. They'll really be enjoyable during those hot, muggy days in late July and August. I expect all of the fans will be wearing them before the end of the season!" Sporting goods stores around the St. Louis area report brisk sales of the new Cardinal memorabilia.

(photo after the jump)

Thanks to our sources at ESPN -- OK, we don't have sources, more like a leak -- you can now pronounce the names of Major League Baseball players just like Joe Morgan and John Miller try to do, between Morgan's long, often incorrect anecdotes about Morgan's playing days.

Example: Albert PUJOLS (POO-holes)

The list is quite long, so it's going to appear after the jump. To search for a single player's name, hold down the Ctrl (or the Apple button, Mac users) button and hit F.

2008 MLB PRONUNCIATION GUIDE:

[Update: December 13, 2007 1:10 p.m.]: The "leaked" Mitchell list is plenty bogus as far as Cardinals players are concerned. No Pujols. No Kile. No Tavarez. No Tatis. No Nunez.

Cardinals who are on the list:

Cody McKay
Ryan Franklin
Mark McGwire
Jason Christiansen
Fernando Vina
Gary Bennett
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Larry Bigbie
Kent Mercker

Former Cardinals assistant coach Dave McKay is quoted in the report as estimating that 30 percent of Major League Baseball players use steroids. [end update]

The Mitchell Report, an investigation on steroids in Major League Baseball commissioned by the league and conducted by Senator George Mitchell, will be officially released today 1 p.m. Central time. The report is expected to name 60 to 80 players who were found to have used performance-enhancing drugs in the past decade. Several news outlets have been referencing a leaked version of the report, which includes a list of players named.

One of the names that appears in the leaked version is that of Cardinals superstar Albert Pujols. Major League Baseball officials have disputed the accuracy of the list.

Other current or former Cardinals included: Rick Ankiel, Ryan Franklin, Darryl Kile, Mark McGwire, Abraham Nunez, Fernando Tatis and Julian Tavarez.

-Keegan Hamilton

-Unreal

In the grand tradition of Shit That Gets Passed Around, we humbly offer these twin portraits of Chris Duncan.

Our favorite is the one on the left, which depicts the Cardinals rookie performing the time-honored ritual known as Dry-Humping the World Series Trophy (a.k.a. Boy Behind the Barn With a Sheep).

Props to Alex F., who reports that he got the pix "via the small town e-mail chain which basically is the STL." Alex's bloggal output can be accessed here.

-Unreal