Remembering Chris 'Dry-Humping' Duncan

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To send Dunc' off to the East coast, here's him, giving a special farewell hump to a steamer trunk
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Last Minute Gift Ideas for Chris Duncan, Richie Incognito, Albert Pujols and Other St. Louis Sports Personalities

It's tough being a St. Louis sporting figure these days. Whether you're calling out your players for poor play, making demands for an $11 million luxury, or just trying to make sense of what you just saw happen to your team, life is flat out hard. 

But you know what can make it all better? Why, a truly great Christmas present, that's what! I know there's nothing in the world that makes me feel more special than when someone takes the time to get me just the right gift. 

Of course, I know it's tough, too. Things are hard out there. Money's tight. What's worse, time is short. None of us have leisure time to do the shopping. But that, dear friends, is why I put together this list. Just consider it your one-stop shopping resource. 
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The Chris Duncan Skanksgiving Live Blog

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The above is part of an imagined diary of what tonight may be like for Chris "Dry-Humpin'" Duncan and Tyler Johnson of the Cardinals. Godspeed.

Read more of what may happen tonight over at InsideSTL.

Ball in the Family

While Chris "Dry-Hump" Duncan warms the pine, his brother Shelley, a newly minted New York Yankee, is upholding the family honor -- most recently by responding to an autograph request from a young fan at Fenway Park by scrawling "RED SOX SUCK!" in the kid's autograph book.

Mark Garfinkel/bostonherald.com
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Get away from me kid, you bother me.
So sayeth a story in yesterday's Boston Herald.

“'It was cool to get his autograph,'” ten-year-old Griffin Whitman told the Herald. “'It didn’t make me feel happy when he wrote that.'”

-Unreal

Chris Duncan: The Dry-Hump Hernia?

Was it the piñata, Homer Simpson or Charlie the Tortoise that kicked Chris Duncan where it counts?

When it came to the latest below-the-belt blow to the St. Louis Cardinals' postseason hopes, the warning signs, reportedly, were there: Manager Tony La Russa has gently hinted that Duncan's baggage has bothered him for the past six weeks. But the Cards skipper had been cagey about the precise nature of his star left fielder's affliction, referring to it as "a lower-half injury."

That all went by the boards in Phoenix over the weekend, after Duncan was forced to depart Saturday's game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, having fallen victim to the euphemistically named "sports hernia."

According to WebMD, a sports hernia is a groin injury that occurs from "overuse of groin muscles, which causes stress on the inguinal wall." The injury can occur "when too much stress is placed on an area...[which] often happens when you overdo an activity or repeat the same activity day after day."

Oh, no!

As faithful readers of STLog are well aware, Dunc's groinal region has been under a great deal of stress over the past ten months, having been made to dry-hump everything from the World Series trophy to an oversize copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Now the slugger's hurting -- in a big, big way: "It can be pretty debilitating," confirms Rick Lehman, medical director of the U.S. Center for Sports Medicine in Kirkwood. "It's a breakdown or tear in the floor of pelvis, which is the kind of gristly thing that holds the muscle structure of your groin together. Every time you stride it, hurts. It's like if you wear same pair of pants for five years straight, the material in the crotch will get kind of thin and banged up."

The down-low damage will more than likely end Duncan's season and require surgery to repair. Call it humpus interruptus.

And Unreal is left to wonder: What, precisely, kicked Dunc in the junk?

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Click here to view the entire Hump-O-Rama.

-Unreal

What's Chris Duncan Dry-Humping This Week?

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Got him!

-Unreal

What's Chris Duncan Dry-Humping This Week?

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Celebrate good times! C'mon, it's a celebration!

-Unreal


What's Chris Duncan Dry-Humping This Week?

What's Chris Duncan Dry-Humping This Week?

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Dumbledore's not really dead! Snape's a good guy! Who knew!

-Unreal

What's Chris Duncan Dry-Humping This Week?

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Dunc says: iHump, therefore iAm.

-Unreal

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